Girl Code: When grown men turn into children : Evewoman - The Standard
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When grown men turn into children

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When men turn into children.

What happened to the good old fearless men that graced our lives years back? I can’t even bring myself to compare the kind of men I saw back then to the ones that live now. Gone are the days when men would take up their places as the men they were supposed to be. The days when they could spell the word ‘protection’ and live it. It was much more secure being with a male figure under one roof.

Things have changed. Some of the men you see bouncing all over town these days are no better than the roaches that take off in the wee hours of the night when the lights are switched on. They have fear written all over them.

These men will wake you up in the middle of the night trembling like tadpoles that have just hatched and tell you to go and check what’s happening outside as they can hear voices? How do you confidently send your woman to go and find out if you are safe? What if she meets a monitor lizard or a lion? Are you not the one who is supposed to go out there and fight all the elephants wanting to trample over us? Or do we have modern day ‘Delilas’ who have cut off all your strength leaving you powerless?

You’ll find a man swinging his stiff behind after dinner with a toothpick in his mouth as he heads towards his bedroom. “Make sure the door is locked before you come to bed,” he will call out to his wife. I mean, why am I the one supposed to make sure the door is locked and yet you are the head of the house? Men no longer patrol their homesteads as our fathers used to do as soon as they got home.

The men from this decade walk into the house and tuck themselves in a corner on a couch, throwing occasional glances at the kitchen. Our fathers used to go round the house three times if possible just to ensure the place was safe every evening. They would then let out the dogs from the kennel, feed them and start checking on the security inside the house, like ensuring all electronics were running just fine. These days, a man will be sitting on the couch shouting at his five year old boy to go and let the dogs out of the kennel. What kind of a father are you? What if the dogs turn against him?

When the washing machine has malfunctioned and is producing a funny vibration, you will see them look up from the couch and ask, “What’s that sound from the washing machine?” You are the man here for Pete’s sake! I know you didn’t manufacture it but you are supposed to know what’s wrong with the machine; even if you don’t know, just tell me the clutch has run out of oil and I will believe you.

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The spirit of fear has engulfed our men. They will run and leave you to face any danger alone. One night, after my (ex) significant other and I had alighted from a matatu in ‘shags’, a group of armed men approached us and demanded that we surrender all our belongings. Before I knew it, my man had dashed past them; I could only see his shadow disappearing into the night ahead of me. He did not even alert me so that we could take off together. How do you just leave your woman in the merciless hands an armed gang? He thought all was well until they caught up with him. He was given the beating of his life while I was only slapped twice! Not that I loved the two slaps, I just think he could have received two as well but got the extra beating for his cowardly act.

The other day, another man I know attracted everyone’s attention in my rural home after he started running away from a goat while screaming! Maybe I missed the memo but did goats recently become man eaters? What fully grown man in his senses would run away from a goat while screaming? To make it worse, it wasn’t even a he-goat with horns.

This scary, new trait in men has made me take a back seat for a while. I always feel targeted when I am around them. They always look at me as though they are one step from making me the sacrificial lamb.

 

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