The average campus relationship is a contract of some sort. It is a marriage of convenience that ends at the end of each semester and is rekindled every start of the next semester.
Campus relationships are defined and deeply punctuated by platitudes and pregnancy scares. They are mostly cultivated by friends who play matchmaker. The male is given a number and cheered on by his clique as he sends his first uninspiring, “Niaje Msupa”. After three days of back and forth texting, they finally decide to define the relationship. This is often done after a meal of beef, the ultimate underwear-remover on campus. After the meal, the man carefully selects a playlist that will mask the noise that comes with dessert.
Unlike conventional settings, sex and or heavy fondling of bits marks the start and charts the path of most relationships on campus. The future of any relationship seems solely dependent on how good the maiden sexual encounter is. It is an audition of some sorts that determines whether the participants will receive a call back. In the event that one passes this test, they can officially christen each other bae, boo or the eye-rolling name that is the current fad. Once someone is boo or whatever gay name is eventually settled on, they can enjoy all that comes with a campus relationship.
The benefits are mostly culinary and conjugal. The female in the situationship cooks while the man provides. They both serve as pneumonia-chasers during cold spells that rock every semester.
That being said, campus relationships are not a walk in the park. Doubtless, campus relationships are the stuff that back-room auditions and crimes of passion — which make for the front pages of gossip rags — are made of. Men in relationships can be spotted on the highways, groveling every end of the month when pregnancy scare chicken come home to roost. In addition to that, with the rise of and allure of the sponsor, the campus man is more often than not left in the cold after spending all his money on the ‘wife’. This is however not the case for everyone. Doom and damnation aside, some people are very lucky in their contracts. Out of some of these arrangements and months of sinning and living in sin, families spring and children are brought forth.
Campus relationships have been reduced to contracts with perks of the flesh. Nevertheless, they are necessary for the whole wholesome campus experience. After all, what is campus without the walks of shame and pregnancy scares?
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