Extreme measures Kenyan women use to keep their hubbies : Evewoman - The Standard

My Man

Extreme measures Kenyan women use to keep their hubbies

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There are women who cling to their men by the skin of their teeth, literally. Whether abused, cheated on, or neglected, they stick with their husbands and live every word of their marital vows, ‘for better or for worse.’ These women will do anything to keep their men and protect the marriage. Here are some of the methods they employ to keep their men:

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1. If you can’t win, beat them!

Women are not averse to dousing others with acid, splashing the competition with hot water in the face, or unleashing their claws and getting physical with those they accuse of ‘stealing’ their husbands.

They’ve also gone digital and will inundate the ‘other’ woman with taunting texts like: “Having his kids in quick succession doesn’t make you a wife but a very desperate woman. Since you are broke, save your money and feed your sick kids instead of wasting it on calling him.’’

2. Spying, snooping and stalking

They will hire detectives, tip the watchman, go through the man’s wallet and trawl his phone for any ‘evidence.’

Others will stalk and track the husband’s every move, even insisting on going with them to the bar!

3. Housewife in the city

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You’ve probably heard of women who have refused to be left in the village to till the land as the husband ekes out a living in the city. These women would rather be housewives, as long as they are with their men in the city. Like the politician’s wife who abandons her career to concentrate on her husband’s campaigns, after which she stays at home ‘cooking for guests’ as the man traverses the country or trots the globe.

4. Man over family

Some women have abandoned their families in order to retain their men. This was the case of Sarika Patel, who forsook the comfort of a wealthy upbringing for a peasant’s life, all in the name of loving Timothy Khamala.

5. Blackmail and threats

There are women who will not hesitate to call the employers of their ‘rivals’ lodge complaints. They are the ones who will also forward emails or compromising pictures to the rival’s colleagues to embarrass and shame her into leaving ‘my man alone.’

6. How much?

In some families, where the woman is the breadwinner or earns more than the man, the woman may splurge by bribing the husband with cash and other gifts, to keep him from straying.

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7. I am your doormat, darling

What would you say of women who are treated like dirt but chooses to keep quiet for the sake of their marriage? These women will stay put, even if the philandering man brings other women to their matrimonial home.

Why will women go to such lengths or endure so much humiliation for the sake of their men or marriage?

Scholastic Adeli, a sociology attributes this to what sociologists call ‘attachment theory.’

“If a woman had a father figure when she was growing up, she will tend to be dependent on a man. How she was socialized in the past will influence her present life,” the sociologist says.

“Women who grew up without a male figure are often torn between seeking love or independence, both of which are important, but may be contradictory. At one time she may need love, but this may become interference at some point,” explains Adeli. The sociologist explains that belief in witchcraft has more to do with value systems.

“You may be educated or religious, but your value and belief systems are more entrenched. This is why even educated people may still force their girls to undergo certain traditional rites,” she adds.


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