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In a fight? Three magic phrases that will instantly calm emotions

Achieving Woman

You can’t always avoid dealing with overly emotional people. But while these difficult conversations are part of life, there are ways to make them less painful.

1. Say, “Please speak more slowly. I’d like to help”

The problem may not be that the person is speaking too quickly; the problem may be that they are screaming their head off or sobbing uncontrollably. Nonetheless, this phrase can work magic. It breaks the pattern in their head; they’re expecting you to resist them, but you’re not. You’re asking them to clarify. You’re interested.

2. Ask, “What would you like me to do?”

This one works on similar principles to phrase number one. It knocks the over-emotional person out of using their ‘dinosaur brain’ – the primitive, emotional part that only knows flight or fight – and forces them to use move evolved thinking skills.

3. Any question at all

It doesn’t matter how loony the other party is being; if you want to get the conversation back on any sort of sane track, telling them they’re insane or explaining how your viewpoint is more sensible won’t help.

Explaining is almost always a disguised form of fighting back. The other party will sense that and just get more aggressive and emotional.

The act of listening is reflecting back the person’s emotional state, not necessarily the content of what they’re saying. Doing this by asking relevant questions is more likely to calm people down and lead the conversation onto firmer ground. — The Muse

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