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I'm in love...but with my sister's husband


I have been living with my step-sister in Kitale and she is married to a good husband. Her husband actually educated me through high school and college and even got me to a job.

Recently he told me he loves me and wants to marry me as his second wife. I like him very much because he has been there for me but I am not sure that this is the right thing to do. I know this is bad but I love this man and I too want to be happy. Does the law allow this? {Lillian}

Lillian, it is generally allowed even for blood sisters to get married to one man. In your case, she is not even your blood sister so you have all the rights to be happy with him if he truly loves you. This will however totally ruin your relationship with your sister.

Once you decide to go ahead with this she will have to understand that you accorded her all the respect she deserves and you should always be on the lookout for her so that he does not neglect her. If he is serious about you then there is no reason why you should not go after the man who loves you. {Fred Jausenge}

Lillian, trust takes long to build but only seconds to break. This would really break her heart if she found out about your intentions. Put yourself in her shoes; would you be happy to hear that your sister is also engaged to your husband? There are very many single men out there. She has done a lot for you so the last thing you want is to be the cause of all her problems. Since he has already connected you with a job, so you leave their house and start a life of your own. Quit this nonsense and stop saying you love him, and asking whether culture allows this! {Ouma Ragumo}

The Bible is clear on this in ‘’Leviticus 18:18’’ and remember it’s through your sister that you got all these. Now that you are working, move out of your sister’s house. Don’t be swayed by sweet words from your sister’s husband for this is the nature of men. {Pastor Ben Shikuku}

Men will often say that they love a woman but what they are usually saying is that they are lustful of them. It is not a big deal for a man to marry sisters but is this the way you want to pay her back for all she has done for you? Think carefully about this issue and act wisely. {Dickson Aseri}

The bible in Leviticus 18:18 prohibits a man from marrying two sisters while both of them are alive. What you are thinking about doing is wrong especially to your sister through whom you have studies and even gotten a job. Why do you want to hurt someone who cares about you so much? Since you have a job, you can start from there and have a decent life of your own. Rather than hurt her this way, say thank you and pray for their family to blossom. {Andrew Didy Chaplin}

You need to act with wisdom on this issue otherwise you will find yourself in deep trouble. You are too young to understand what marriage is all about so you find another man to date for a while before you start thinking about marriage. {Charles Olanya}

Counsellor's take

That is a dangerous path you are walking Lillian and it is in such instances that I encourage people to quit the situation while they are still ahead. From your explanation, that man has indeed done a lot for you. This may lead you to feeling greatly indebted to him but there should not be anything like it.

He supported you just like he would do to any other of your siblings and this is not in any way tied to his feelings for you. Essentially, he has no feelings for you; rather he only wants to take advantage of the fact that he assisted you by making you feel indebted to him to give in to his sexual demands. This is the only thing he is after so leave that discussion about him being in love with you and wanting to marry you out of this.

Then how awkward is this? Think about this, you being married to the same man as your sister? I am actually surprised that you are even considering this. The day a word as much as leaks out that you are involved with him will mark the beginning of a horrible life ahead.

First, everyone in the family will consider you a loose woman and a traitor being that you stole your sister's husband. This will lead to you being treated like an outcast in your own family. The feeling you are going to get is equivalent to that of a person who is stateless. People will not want anything to do with you except when they need favours from you (these will usually be monetary favours).

Then in addition to dealing with the wrath from your sister to you, you will have to live with the common branding of a loose woman in society. As a result, no woman will ever want anything to do with you and by extension men will only want you for a reason and a short season.

He is only being lustfull with you and knowing that he supported you through many things then you will be easy on that front. If he is as serious as he proclaims to be, challenge him to declare his interest to your greater family members – since he is talking marriage. You will be amazed at how fast he will run and how quiet he will be on this issue for a long, long time. {Taurus}

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