As a survey reveals nearly half of us aren’t getting as much sex as we’d like, The New Day speaks to some of the lucky ones who've found the right balance
Look around the office, the train or across the road at your neighbours… ever wonder if they’re having a better sex life than you?
According to a OnePoll survey, nearly half of us aren’t getting as much as we’d like.
But is frequency all that counts when it comes to bedroom satisfaction?
Sex makes us closer
Chris and JoJo Pinto, 34 and 39, run an adult event and product company, Quietly Kinky. They have been together for three years and live in Bournemouth.
Chris says: “We have sex whenever and wherever we can – usually every night and often more than that. We’ve had threesomes and foursomes , and now we help organise sex parties.
“We don’t get jealous because we are 100% secure in our love for each other – and we have very strict rules. If there’s the slightest hint that the other person is getting emotionally attached, we stop. Our relationship comes first.
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“We met on Twitter in 2013 and quickly realised we were very sexually compatible. We were very open from the start.
“We think everyone should have sex more often. It brings you closer in every way and, of course, it’s good exercise too. Sex is part of life and should never be shameful.“
Kids can upset your love life
Media lecturer and blogger Heather Bryson Banks and her builder husband Wayne, both 39, of Shepton Mallet, Somerset, have two sons aged four and six, and have been together eight years.
Heather says: “When we first got together we were having sex every day – twice a day sometimes – but when I got pregnant , we calmed down.
“When the children arrived, it was even more difficult to make time. It got to the point where we were having sex just once a month.
“I knew Wayne would rather be having more, so we both decided to put more effort in. I think sex is important in a healthy relationship.
“A few months ago we made a pact to try and have sex as often as possible. That was when we started using sex toys .
“Trying toys – and different positions – helped to resuscitate our sex life. On an average week we now manage to have sex two or three times. It’s really improved our relationship – I feel we’ve reconnected.
“When you’ve got kids, you can easily get to the point when your evenings consist of sitting on separate sofas watching telly – but now we hold hands and cuddle.
“And because we talk about sex more openly, we tend to talk about everything else too.”
Once a week is fine by us
Michael Kearney, 40, a therapist, is married to Lynn, 38, an auditor.They have been together for 13 years and live in Preston.
Michael says: “Our relationship was crazy at the beginning, really passionate. “But of course life throws hard times at you, and things change.
“I can’t give Lynn children, and that led to several bouts of depression when I would binge-eat and my weight ballooned. As a result, sex became quite sporadic.
“Weeks could go by, even months, without us making love. I’d completely lost my confidence. Sex is a real barometer of how you feel about yourself, and I didn’t feel masculine or attractive.
“I looked at myself and thought, “why would she want to?” Besides, I was out of breath just walking upstairs so the thought of a night of passion filled me with dread.
“Finally, last summer, we both decided to get help from a nutritionist, and so far we’ve lost six stone between us. As the weight plummeted, we reconnected physically. It’s like when we first met – I can’t keep my hands off her!
“Life is busy as we now run a weight-loss business together as well as our usual jobs. But once a week generally suits us fine.
“I know others might be more adventurous, but we don’t feel we need to dress up in the bedroom or use props and toys. For us, it’s all about being together.
If it works for you, just keep doing it
Susie Quilliam, sex and relationship expert, says there’s no such thing as average:
Which of our couples have the perfect sex life? They all do.
How much sex you have, and how happy you are with that amount, depends on the individual. No couple should ever worry about the frequency they have sex if they are happy.
Many couples differ – one partner may want more, and nowadays it may well be her rather than him.
The way forward is to talk to each other and find practical ways for one partner to raise their libido and the other partner to accept that they may not always get what they want.
Of course other kinds of intimacy – talking, cuddling – are essential. But in a loving relationship, and where you’re both up for it, the more sex the