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13 rules to maintain your dignity and sanity after that first date

Girl Talk
 Photo:Courtesy

Sometimes, having a fun and successful first date may seem like half the battle won. Even asking someone out can feel like that.

Moving (hopefully) onwards and upwards to a second date and beyond seems to get more complicated as the stakes get higher.

Do you add them on Facebook and run the risk of some serious creeping? Do you wait half a day to respond to their texts in the belief this will keep things zingy and fresh?

Well, no and no.

Describing this precarious post-first date time as: "The time that can make or break a relationship" writer and dating expert, Charly Lester shares her wisdom with Mirror Online to "make sure that things progress in a positive way."

1. Do stay off social media

The same goes for Facebook and Twitter stalking. We're all very different people online to in real life.

Don't let the way your date behaves online affect your preconceptions of the person. Get to know him or her in real life first. The social media side of things can come later, when you're really 'friends' (or more!).

2. Don't add each other on Facebook

It's a mistake people often make. Curiosity gets the better of them, and after a few dates it seems harmless. But it isn't.

You end up knowing far too much about the other person, before he or she tells you those things in person.

3. Do have fun – this is the exciting part!

Don't believe me? Ask your married friends!

Regardless of how happy their relationship, I bet they all miss the excitement of the dating game. In fact some of them probably never even got the chance to experience it.

Don't rush things – make the most of the exciting early days.

4. Don't jump into bed too quickly

Yeah yeah, we've all got a friend who turned a one-night stand into a long-term relationship, but trust me... they are the minority!

We all appreciate things more when we have to wait a little for them.

5. Don't assume exclusivity

Online dating and apps are designed so that we can speak to numerous people at the same time.

And it’s not unusual for someone to go on two or three first dates in a week. Never assume you're exclusive until you've had a conversation about it.

6. Do carry on dating other people

The exclusivity thing works both ways. You can carry on dating other people too.

And if you choose to do that, often it means you appear more chilled and breezy to the people you're dating, because you're not obsessing over one set of text messages, and one particular person.

7. Do be honest if you’re not interested

But if you aren't interested in someone, make sure you're honest. Ghosting happens far too much these days, and it’s cowardly. Man (or woman) up and just tell them you don’t see things progressing any farther.

8. Don’t play text games

We're not fourteen any more. If you like someone, text them. If you don't, don't!

9. Don't expect too much

It's easy to rush things in the early stages. Butterflies take over, and when the first date turns into a second, your mind starts racing ahead of itself.

Take a step back, and remember that you've only met the other person once or twice. In reality, he or she owes you very little at this stage.

10. Do give your date a chance

By the time most people get to a third date, they've spent little more than four or five hours with the other person.

That's a mere snapshot of someone’s personality and life. Try not to judge your date too quickly, based on such a small amount of information.

If he or she says something which doesn't necessarily fit with your ideals, give yourself enough time to work out if it really is a dealbreaker.

11. Don’t start talking about kids and marriage

No matter how important those two things are to you right now, you should not be talking about them on a first, second, or even third date.

It will come across far too intense and serious (even if the other person actually wants those things). Don't spoil your chances of meeting someone by scaring potential matches away!

12. Do get active – be tourists in your own city

One of the most exciting parts of dating is going out and doing things you don’t often get to do. Be a tourist in your own city.

Check out all the museums, shows and restaurants you've never been to. Even if you're not that into your date, you'll still end up having a good time.

13. Do talk about things which you feel passionate about

When we talk about things we love or believe in, we shine. Be the best version of yourself by talking about subjects you care about, and which will showcase the real you.

 

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