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Ten types of friends men need

My Man
 Photo:Courtesy

Okaaayyy. So now our Beryl Itindi has decided to ‘cut’ friends with Madam Raychelle Omamo because the boss mama told our columnist from Wanga that she has to pay her domestic helper Sh10,000 a month? Well, there is a list that went round after that announcement where after deductions on domestic payslip - NHIF, NSSF, NIS (to support Nyumba Kumi fight against insecurity), and so on - the pay collapsed to the usual Sh4,800.

But I was more concerned with Beryl’s piece a few weeks back, where she ranted and raved against a treacherous BFF.

You see, lady Itindi, and all you other women out there who have a BFF or a clique of die-heard gal pals, you should be more like we men who often divide our friends into ten. Because in friendship, as in life, never put all your emotions in one basket.

Alumni - These are both childhood friends, neighbours you grew up with and other kids you went to college, high school and in some weird cases, primary school with. You get with them once in a while strictly to reminisce about 1995 or something.

‘Artists’ - I may be biased here, but every one needs an artistic friend, or a Christian friend, or a criminal pal, or an eccentric friend, or a gay pal, or foreign friend. Someone just enough out of the conservative-mainstream continuum to give one another, odder angle and perspective to life.

Beer buddies - Boys have beer buddies, those guys you meet strictly at the bar, often coincidentally, play pool together, shoot the breeze and it is better to know next to nothing about them beyond the pub. What happens at the local, stays ...

Colleagues - the office can create friendships beyond the common labour that you are engaged in. By all means go for retreats, do staff parties, go out and have fun as a team and so on. But unless it cannot be helped, office affairs and political intrigues can be poisonous and apocalyptic.

Delinquents - these ones are also often called ‘wing men.’ Or else they are the ones always chasing after ‘spring chicken.’ Bad boys, players, rollers and ballers, this juvenile in many ways lot can spice up the life of a fellow, so long as you go slow.

Exes - I do not know what’s going on with my kinsman Silas across the page. But, lately, he has been writing a lot about ‘exes.’ My advice about this lot is - move on! When things are over, there is no point fretting about staying friends. A finished relationship is like a book one is done reading. You don’t go back to flip over finished pages.

Football friends- Where will you be in a fortnight when Chelsea beats Arsenal for the umpteenth time? I don’t know. But I’ll be with my football ‘mafans,’ loudly chanting statements like ‘Arsene Wenger has never beaten Jose Mourinho. Maybe, physically!’

FB friends - The Internet has brought with it a whole lot of virtual relationships. Facebook has friends, Twitter has followers (groupies), Google has groups and WhatsApp has whatever it has. My feeling - keep these friends as virtual as you can.

Gal pals - Once in a while, a chap comes across a girl they can actually be friends with, without any shenanigans and innuendo. This is good. One can get to hear the cow moo, and vice versa without drinking the milk.

Haters - Women call them ‘frenemies’ - those friends with whom they have jealousy and other issues. I call them ‘haters.’ When you come unearth such a hater, never hesitate to use the chance to turn a dear ‘frenemy’ into a total stranger. Because even real life comes with the option of the ‘unfriend’ button.

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