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Checklist for singles

Relationships
 Photo: Courtesy

Checklist for singles

If you are single, there are fundamental guidelines you need to work with; otherwise you will be caught in an endless and futile search. Here goes:

Don’t just marry someone because they made a good impression on stage. Marriage is not about a performance, it’s a lifetime commitment. Courtship should help unpack his/her character, and if you are in a serious relationship, avoid pre-marital sex. This weakens the foundation of trust in the relationship and makes break up painful; creating soul ties and wounds that are hard to heal.

If you are a man, the principle thing to look out in a woman is inner beauty (character, two fold-inner beauty and outer beauty).

The woman should be open to love and receive love, focused and complete as an individual. Completeness has to do with satisfaction with their physical looks, giftings and a healthy concept of self.

Many single men, in most cases are attracted by looks. Whereas we cannot rule out the physical, a woman`s beauty is character. The externals can change due to child bearing or the ageing process. So beyond the physical, take time to learn her interests, hobbies, outlook on life, faith and so forth.           

For the single woman, be the best you can be, celebrate your womanhood. If you value yourself and respect your being, you will not remain in relationships that invalidate your worth. Such relationships are abusive - verbal and physical, conflict perpetuated or for sexual exploitation.

If you are a woman, go for a man who is his own man as opposed to a 'mama's' boy. Men are to provide male leadership in the relationship, possess a vision for life. A disorderly man should work out his maladaptive behaviour and not wait for his future wife to organise him.

If he has no source of income, how will he take care of you? Let him first get a job or something constructive out there. Unless of course you want him to move in to your apartment after you are married, and you take care of the bills. Even where a man has lost a job, he should not be holding a remote control the whole day. He should be out there, fighting out for opportunities.

Some women desire a certain physique from the man, maybe he should be muscular, may be six feet tall.  Whereas muscles can be built in the gym, beware character is what makes a person. If he cheats on you and you are not married, don’t expect him to change when married. People become more of who they are in courtship as they move to marriage. Remember these sayings `True love waits` and ‘all that glitters is not gold.

The writer is an author, relationship and marriage counsellor and Link leader at NLC.             

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