5 reasons why you stop making excuses for his violence
By Joy Carole (www.joycarole.com)
For the last 8 months, I’ve had a few of my girlfriends saying their boyfriends suddenly beat the living daylights out of them. Sadly, after this despicable act, the men blamed it on intoxication, apologized, were forgiven and yet again, thrashed the hell out of the ladies.
I have no words to describe a man who thinks hitting a woman solves the problem. Whatever it is, the violence among young couples needs to stop.
One of the people who can end this vice is you, the woman hanging on to the man who hits you. I’m writing this to let you know that you need to stop condoning the one thing that you should not be tolerating. Stop it because…
1. You are creating a monster
Once he hits you and he is let off the hook, he will know you are okay with the beating. He will confidently do it again, knowing all he has to do is beg for forgiveness, buy a gift, confess his undying love or kiss your ass for a week.
Eventually, it will turn to a habit that would have been nurtured by you. It is never an accident when he pounds you the first the time; rather, it only shows the kind of person he is when pushed to the wall.
2. There will be endless emotional and psychological trauma
When you bear with a physically abusive man, you are intentionally putting yourself through mental and emotional frustration. Unfortunately, most men who rough up women also are good at being emotionally abusive.
They will do this by playing the blame game just to avoid humiliation, turn the tables and hold you responsible for making them assault you. They tend to talk down on you leaving you unable to stand up for yourself.
If you don’t walk away, you will run around in circles; being battered, hiding bruises, crying because of your problems. Save yourself the trouble, leave while you still are alive.
3. You are putting yourself in danger
Simply put, you might die and if you don’t you will be injured. You are not made of stones or wood, therefore when he physically abuses you the result is obvious, you will be hurt.
4. You are killing your ‘self’
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The moment you put up with a physically abusive partner, you will be feeding on poison. This will lead to destruction of self-esteem, your will to fight back, ability to stand up against what does not make you better and in due course, you will not be able to speak up.
Trust me, this is a recipe for a broken woman; and a broken woman will never know her worth and strength. Stop stomaching such a person because you have a lot to lose, including yourself.
5. You are making it right
When you stand for this kind of relationship, you make it seem right to be in ‘love’ with a violent person. If you ever part ways and never call him out, any woman who comes into contact with him will also be susceptible to physical abuse.
You would have opened the floodgates of abuse and no woman will be safe. The instant you see a slight form of brutality in your partner, stamp it out and if you can’t, leave; that is the clearest message saying physical abuse cannot and will never be tolerated.
Never forget that a man changes when he finds reasons within himself to do so. So, even if you hang in there and be the best girlfriend in the world; while he still has issues triggering his violence, expect to be beaten up.
A violent man is fighting with a lot of demons; it is always more than the abuse. It could be his inability to handle alcohol, deep-rooted insecurities, esteem issues or he is just sadistic.
No matter how deep your love is, enduring such a relationship will not make it any deeper. A physically abusive love affair will always affect what is important to you-your peace of mind, well-being and safety.
Anything that robs you of these is not good for you and there will be nothing left but pain.
Do not be afraid to leave thinking you will never find love. If you are meant to be in a relationship, it will happen at the right time, with a person that deserves you.
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The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Evewoman.co.ke