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Lovermentation: Another relationship status

My Man By Silas Nyanchwani

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Lovermentation: Another relationship status

You probably have that one friend who is constantly bitching about their relationship. Before you know it, you are their unpaid counsellor. The only advice they need is; leave the sucker alone and get a life. But somehow, they are determined to stay in the relationship and complain about it every day. To friends, on social media and pretty much everywhere.

It was a huge relief to me learning that there is a name for this condition: Lovermentation. A combination of two words-lover and lamentation. Never mind where I learnt the term from. I was eavesdropping on a phone conversation and I had to figure out what it means. And I asked a friend to derive a definition of the word instantly, “a state of constantly bitching about your relationship, especially when you are in one” is what he came up with.

It was a satisfactory definition. For I have a dozen friends, both female and male friends who are constantly whining about their significant other. The accusations often range from the extravagance of their partner or the stinginess - more often, infidelity, pesky family members, pesky friends who mis-advise the partner, among other endless charges.

As adults, we loathe individuals who cannot handle their private lives. Of course, from time to time, we are bound to seek our friends’ counsel on personal matters, but when it becomes a habit, we make friends run away or hesitant to take our calls.

Life would be simpler if individuals stopped fixing what cannot be fixed. Some relationships are usually irrevocably broken, but individuals will still stick around as the relationships becomes cancerous leading to ‘ulcers’, yet all it takes is taking some time off, or permanently dumping the offender to go and heal. No human being is irreplaceable.

Nature abhors whiners. We all tend to steer clear off the naggers, knowing it is the worst trait to be born with. But part of being an adult is to carry and sort the dirt of other mature people who are usually consumed by their hearts to think properly before they move in - yet again - with an abusive partner. Everyone knows that the relationship is headed for a breakup but the two individuals will insist that it will work. Women especially have this thing of hanging around for far too long and all they end up with mostly is a child whose father will never show up. Stop this. Courage in life is all about accepting situations we cannot change however painful.

ALSO READ: Six signs you’re settling in a relationship

If you are an adult who seeks advice that you have no interest in heeding, you had better stop bothering people. And while you’re at it, stop talking ill of your wife or husband. If you cannot fix your problem, try a pastor or counsellor. Don’t jeopardize the dignity of your relationship by going around bars and salons talking ill of your partner, who often is oblivious of your running mouth.

In my book, men whine less, women more. Most men walk out of relationships that are unlikely to survive. Most women stick around fantasizing things that will never happen. There are no soap opera endings, women need to know. But there are some men who are just as helpless.

In the end, lovermentation is part of life. But remember it reflects badly on you - who is complaining - than the offender, especially when you do it over and over again. Seek counsel, but if you are not going to use it, spare us the humdrum of your life.


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