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I have forgiven my cheating husband but my loved ones won't

Relationships
 Photo: Courtesy

I have forgiven my cheating husband but my loved ones won't

The message from ‘L’ was clearly from a woman he’d been sleeping with and it said, “Meet me at our usual place at 12. Missed you so much over the weekend xxx”.

Dear Coleen

A few months ago I found out by accident that my husband had been seeing another woman behind my back.

He met her through his job, although they don’t actually work together.

One morning he left for the office and forgot his mobile phone, which was lying on the hall table.

It would never have occurred to me to check it, but as I walked past a text came through, so I looked to see if it was work-related and if I needed to contact him.

The message from ‘L’ was clearly from a woman he’d been sleeping with and it said, “Meet me at our usual place at 12. Missed you so much over the weekend xxx”.

Naturally, I was devastated. I’d never had any reason to doubt my husband.

When he came home, I confronted him and he broke down and confessed everything.

He’d been seeing her for about three months and claimed it happened in the wake of his father’s death when he was vulnerable and confused.

He broke it off and begged for another chance.

What he did wasn’t OK, but I believe he is sorry and he’s done everything he can to redeem himself and focus on our relationship.

The problem now is that most of my friends and family can’t seem to move on from what happened and we’ve hardly seen them.

They found out because I threw my husband out for a few weeks to let things calm down.

I understand why they’re upset, but surely if I can forgive him, they can, too?

Coleen says

Naturally, your husband’s affair has affected how people think of him and, of course, your family and friends will be concerned for you.

However, I agree that if you’ve decided to give him another chance, they ought to be more supportive.

It sounds like his affair was out of character and he’s been working really hard to rebuild your trust in him.

I think you have to explain to your family that he is in your life again, hopefully forever, so they will have to get used to that idea.

They should also know that their attitude is not helping you to rebuild your relationship.

Even if things don’t work out in the long term, it’s your life and your mistake to make.

Perhaps they need reminding that it’s easy to judge when they’ve not been in that situation themselves.

Hopefully, with time, people will accept you’re together and it will start to feel more normal.

But try not to let their views intrude on your relationship – you need a chance to make it work.

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