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Tips on what to do when your spouse is paranoid

Girl Talk By Lucy Moracha

Insecurity in relationshipsEunice Olawo, a psychological counsellor and the director of Moir Counselling Agency says though some cases have tragically ended in divorce or irresolvable breakups, the following tips can help save an insecure relationship.

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• Restructure your thoughts about your spouse to make them positive. If a spouse is always suspicious and snooping around their partners, chances are that they will always get hurt. This is because in the real sense, they are looking for evidence ‘to make them hurt!

• Build trust in your relationship. Avoid such small panics such as they’re late, they didn’t pick your call. Believe you know them better than anybody else and you know what they can or cannot do.

• Discuss your insecurity with your spouse. This may look embarrassing but let them know that you are insecure and elaborate the reasons. This may make them stop behaving in the way that makes you insecure.

• Build your self-esteem. Doubts that you’re inadequate for your spouse can make you tremble with insecurity. You will always be seeing the other people worthier than you. Building your self-esteem will make you confident that you are the best for your spouse.

Njiru Boniface a divorce lawyer in Nairobi advises a couple to:

• Consult a marriage counsellor or a religious leader in case your relationship is threatened or shaky.

• Embrace dialogue and proper communication. After talking, a couple may realise there was nothing to be insecure about after all!

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• Take a little more time to learn your spouse — know how they respond to different circumstances and situations, and understand their profession and what it entails.

• Give a benefit of doubt. If you haven’t caught your spouse red-handed and you are basing your accusations only on fertile imaginations, you will bruise your relationship.

• Know and play your role well in your relationship. Be confident that the two of you are in the relationship out of an independent choice.

• Avoid being petty and be clear in sending your love signals to your partner.

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