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He wants to leave because our baby is autistic

Lady Speak By Taurus

Our only child is two years and we just found out that he is autistic. Since then, my husband has become withdrawn, rude and depressed. He is blaming all this on me and is even afraid that I might get another child with the same condition.

He is still in denial insisting that we should not tell anyone. But my biggest worry is that he thinks I am to blame. I am also worried about what his family will think when they find out about this. How do I deal with this? What if he is planning to leave me?


Your Take

Baraza there is nothing to worry about. Autism is a common condition among children that is manageable. To accept the reality, both of you need counselling and none of you is to blame for this condition. I don’t think your husband will leave you because of the baby’s condition.

(Pastor Ben Shikuku)

Autism is a non-progressive neurological condition, which is 99 per cent non-genetic. None of the parents is to blame for its occurrence. With unconditional love, special schooling and training your child can lead a near normal life. Autism rarely affects more than one child in a family. It is normal for you to feel guilty, but do not let these feelings torture you because what happened is way beyond you.

(Manyatta Njue)

Remind your husband that certain things are beyond human control. We have to accept the reality. Take heart because you are not alone and the child is a gift from God. Seek comfort in prayer.

(Ouma Ragumo)

Baraza it is such worries that will send you to an early grave. What has happened to your child is irreversible and nobody is to blame for it. You and your husband need to talk to a counsellor or a pastor to help you accept the situation. And by the way, the fact that this child has autism does not mean that the siblings who will follow will have the same condition. If your husband walks out on you, accept it and move on.

(Tasma Charles)

I am sorry for what you are going through. It is my prayer that you and your husband remain united because it is now that your child needs you the most. Seek counselling to accept the condition of your child.

(Calvin Queen)

Counsellor’s Take

Managing a child with autism is a challenge and it becomes even trickier if your spouse blames you for the baby’s condition.

At present, there is no known cause for autism although scientists have found that it is somewhat hereditary. Nonetheless, to address this situation, you both need to talk to a professional counsellor to help you accept the reality and know how to manage the child.

The other most important thing is to get a psychiatrist and work out a long-term engagement for the child. Psychiatrists handle autism cases better than neurologists although your physician may be better placed to advice you. Finally, you cannot hide this situation for long. You need to inform your family members about it and focus on helping the child. The longer you hide it the more it will haunt you. You don’t owe anybody any explanation or apology for this situation. Filter any negative thoughts that come your way otherwise they may distract you from helping your son.


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