Dynamic social life, post-pandemic and post-election times would have some of us going for adventures to “find ourselves.” Come to think of it, did you at some point lose yourself? If you need a holiday, just go and have some fun and rejuvenate. If things are not as smooth as you would like, it may not be your fault entirely. There is nothing wrong with you being imperfect. You just have to live the best honest life you possibly can. I am in no way advocating for you to ditch self-improvement efforts. Go ahead and upgrade, but do not beat yourself up for it.
Do not allow your inner critic to convince you that there is something wrong with you that needs fixing, or that you lost yourself and you need to be found. When you slip and fall, it is part of life. Nothing guarantees immunity from natural phenomena. Gravity respects no one. You can choose to sit down and laugh at this humanness then get up and forge ahead. There is nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that you suffered an unforeseen misfortune at some point. If you had no control over it, do not feel like a total failure for it.
When you are not in charge of your stuff
If the pandemic has taught us anything is that we have little control over life matters. We may feel quite under pressure to make things work, but in actual sense, we have no control. It becomes a tiresome task to change ourselves and instead, we have to adapt. You cannot postpone your happiness until when tough times are over. You have to enjoy the present.
Ditch the false sense of purpose
Being a fixer gives a sense of purpose. Sometimes, people keep you around because you seem to have dedicated yourself to fixing their problems. That fake illusion of being 'needed' or 'loved' drives many young women to absurd actions. In the long run, one may suffer mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. You probably enjoy a relatively good online presence but the reality remains that people will inevitably go through hurdles now and then. You cannot keep up with everyone’s life challenges; a fixer has no holiday and your fixer's effort may even end up not fixing anything.
Own your flaws
If you feel flawed or inadequate from the beginning, no amount of self-improvement can make enough antidote to cure you or make you feel whole. Going for that one more degree will add more knowledge but it won’t make you feel complete. Will you spend your whole life judging yourself based on what you lack? This is a recipe for a miserable life and crappy emotions. One way to maintain sustainable improvement is to build on something that you began. Even though we are used to showing discipline and grit in what we do, sometimes the body takes a beating and we find ourselves at a point where we cannot fix or change the present situation.
Appreciate what you have
At the end of the day, what is most important is how we answer the question: Were we kind to ourselves? Our focus, perspectives and feelings govern the quality of life we live. Look around and count your blessings. Develop high level of self-acceptance such that you stay open to exploring, learning, and failing and not giving up. Being radically compassionate with yourself allows you to forgive yourself when you mess up. Being kind to yourself should not feel like a luxury. Kindness to self does not allow failure to drive you over the edge of judgment and self-pity.