In the world of romance, one single rule reigns supreme:

Make the woman happy. It’s now a popular notion that men exist in this world to please and make the women of this world comfortable. Therefore, when they tell you to be a gentleman, they simply mean join the bandwagon of male enslavement.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and you lose points. You don‘t get any points for doing something she expects.

 Sorry gentlemen, that’s the way the game is played. It’s a rather simple system just like the shopping royalty card.

Here is a guide to the point system: I must caution that it’s not a universal scale, so don’t come screaming at me that it didn’t work.

  Simple Duties

You make the bed (+1). You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0). You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1). You go out to buy her what she wants (+5), in the rain (+8), but return with Beer (-5). You check out a suspicious noise at night (0). You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0). You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

 You pummel it with iron rod (+10), it‘s her pet (-10).

Social Engagements

You stay by her side the entire party (0). You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a former college friend (-2), named Tina (-4). Tina is a good dancer (-6). Tina has a breathtaking behind — you know, well rounded and plumpish (-80).

Her Birthday

You take her out to an expensive dinner (0). You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar (+1). Okay, it‘s a sports bar (-2).

And it’s all-you-can-eat night (-3). It‘s a sports bar; it‘s all-you-can-eat night,  and your face is painted the colours of your favourite football team (-10).

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15). You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10). You develop a noticeable potbelly, and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Mandela shirts (-30). You say, ‚It doesn‘t matter, you have one too‘ (-800).

The Big Question

 She asks, “Do I look fat?” you say yes, you lose points no matter what (-5). You hesitate in responding (-10). You reply, “Where?” (-35). Any other response (-20) Yawa!

 Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0). You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50). You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500). She realises this is because you have fallen asleep (-1000). Now what chance do you have?

The rights of the ‘boy child’

Now in such a lopsided world, how are the brothers ever going to get hitched? It’s time men also crafted their point system.

This would work as a ‘Bomas’ draft: She offers to miss her favourite soap so that the brother can watch a rerun of last weekend’s football match (+30). She later claims to have a …headache at bedtime (-45). She lends the guy cash to go out with the boys (+150). She accompanies him to watch football (0). She helps to settle beer bills (+5).

She grumbles while doing it (-8). You ask her what’s the problem and she retorts, “Am fine!”(-25). She offers to drive you to her place after you get quite inebriated (+15). She rams your car into the gate (-100). Later she turns down your drunken advances (-75). She makes you a sumptuous breakfast the following day (0). And offers to do the dishes and clothes (0).


wemen; woman; birthdays; crazy world