1. The flirtatiouschats

If your spouse is flirting with one or more people, he/she will be verydefensive with the phone hoping not to be caught. Your spouse will spend a longtime on the phone, hiding the screen from you and going everywhere with thephone. Some delete flirtatious chats but others find the chats too special todelete. Flirting with others only destructs you from your marriage and waiststime.

<p><b>If you had access to the phone, you will snoop, block people on the contacts, deactivate accounts, send shady messages to people on the contacts and abuse the contacts.</b></p><p><b>You will see a friendly message on your spouse's phone and blow things out of proportion accusing your spouse of cheating yet your spouse gave a reply to the message that honours you. </b></p>

2. The nudes
Some are exchanging nudes or being sent for nudes. Nudes are exclusive, theyrarely come by and so if your spouse has them from other people, he/she willhold them dear and guard the phone. Nudes get sent to excite, for the purposeof masturbation or to present a case why two people should meet to have sex.Your spouse knows this is wrong, hence the heavy security settings on thephone. Why drool over nudes from others yet you have your spouse nakedness?

3. The mobile moneytransactions
With mobile money transactions, you can know who your spouse is sending moneyto, who is sending your spouse money, where your spouse has been, how manythings your spouse is hiding from you, how your spouse is supporting his/herparents and ignoring yours, and your spouse's spending habits. In fact, one ofthe easiest ways of knowing your spouse is having an affair, follow the money.

4. The secrets
Maybe your spouse has a child out there he/she is supporting and you don'tknow. Maybe your spouse has a sickness you know nothing about. Maybe yourspouse has some shady deals you are not aware of... All this is happeningthrough the phone and could be the reason why your spouse is not allowing youaccess to the phone in case you find out. Learn to make your spouse feel safeto open up to you.

5. Your shadybehaviour
Perhaps your spouse doesn't trust you with his/her phone. If you had access tothe phone, you will snoop, block people on the contacts, deactivate accounts,send shady messages to people on the contacts and abuse the contacts. Even ifyou are uncomfortable with something, don't micromanage your spouse.

6. The pornographiccontent
The phone is a bank for so many, storing lots of pornographic data. Many don'twant their spouse to know that they watch porn so they keep the phone underlock and key, failing to realise that the images and videos stored are slowlyfeeding a habit that is killing their marriage and their intimacy.

7. Your overreaction
Perhaps you have demonstrated that you magnify issues. You will see a friendlymessage on your spouse's phone and blow things out of proportion accusing yourspouse of cheating yet your spouse gave a reply to the message that honoursyou. Your spouse feels like your unfounded insecurities push him/her to theedge and thinks hiding the phone from you is protecting delicate you and thisdoes more harm. If you want your spouse to be free with you, relax, be secure.If you see something that doesn't sit right with you, peacefully say"Honey, I think this message from your friend is kind of inappropriate."

8. The mobile loanapps
Lots of people are taking loans without their spouse's knowledge, some feelthey have to do so because they have a spouse and a family that wants a goodlife without asking where money is coming from. Some do so because of pressingneeds, perhaps a parent needs help but the spouse won't understand, some tofinance their betting or wasteful habits, some to finance an affair, others itis to keep up with a fake life beyond their means. Learn to be real with eachother about finances to escape surprises.

9. Your stealingways
Maybe you are the kind of spouse who goes to your spouse's phone to sendyourself money from your spouse's account without asking. This makes yourspouse see you as a thief and makes him/her see the need of denying you accessto the phone. If you want money, ask your spouse. You may steal today but ruintrust for good.

10. The affair
If there is an affair going on, the phone will have maximum security andunfortunately your spouse will protect the phone more than he/she protects youand the marriage.

11. The call log
The spouse does not want you to know who they call, perhaps they call theirlover, an ex, a partner of a business you don't know your spouse has, adetective your spouse has hired to track you, a seller from whom your spouse isbuying property you have no idea of. Living a life of secrecy drains so muchenergy.

12. The location
Your spouse doesn't want you to track him/her so your spouse will not allow youto know his coordinates, especially when he/she is doing things behind yourback.

13. The searchhistory
If your spouse is searching things that will not please you such as porn, anex, video vixens, health information; then your spouse will deny you access toknow this. Why hide history that is destroying your future together?

14. Thedishonourable groups
There are many dishonourable groups on Facebook, WhatsApp, Telegram, Tinder andother social media platforms that married people should not be a part of. Ifyour spouse is in such Groups to misbehave, his/her phone will be out of reachfor you. Why participate in Groups that incite you to ruin the marriage youhave?

These are some ofthe reasons why some people are so defensive with their phones to the pointthat they can share with their spouse sexual experiences, children, a home, afuture, a bed; but the phone is not to be touched. Remember, be smart with yoursmart phone. That small gadget you are protecting with your life can be thereason why your marriage dies.

© Akello Oliech andDayan Masinde

In my book, MANHOODSERIES, I walk with men through the journey of understanding themselves andtheir woman.

In my other book,WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with women through the journey of self-discovery

To purchase theMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, thentext the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book willbe sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone orcomputer.

To purchase theWOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, thentext the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book willbe sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone orcomputer