‘Kipindupindu’ is a cocktail of ‘Rotich’ brandy blended with hot water and ndimu

Elections fever has caught up with the local where Diameter is the main political analyst. Man-Man, the barman, having been out of Kenya for the last 30 years, does not understand what all the hullaballoo is about.

To cater for the growing number of partisan party supporters, there have been a number of changes on the menu, both by Waka-Knife, the butcher who has never gone on leave since the last two elections, and at the counter.

For one, Waka-Knife has varied his roast mbavu, kichwa chemsha,mutura, ulimi, roho, mara, matumbo and maini menu to include what he now calls ‘SGR’.

When Papa English, who like most mzungus, can’t wrap his tongue around how anyone with the right stomach can eat boiled blood (mutura), ordered for ‘SGR,’ what he got was Supu, Githeri and Rice!

Waka-Knife had dispensed away with ugali since “unga ya 90 imepotea kama kura za Kabogo,” says the butcher who now asks his clients from which “stronghold are you eating today?”

When you say “stronghold ya MaDVD,” you are served with kuku choma, while “stronghold ya Nkaisery” sees you being served red meat. But when you order “stronghold ya Uhuru,” you are either served with ‘SGR’ or told to bring your own unga if you desire to have ugali for stomach defence.

Besides the menu, new cocktail drinks have also been introduced by Miss Penny who owns the local.

‘Wavinya Red Lips’ is now a cocktail mixture of karobo and vodka blended with club soda and ice cubes, with a small umbrella at the rim of the glass, while ‘Wavinya Miniskirt’ is half a glass of Smirnoff Ice mixed with whisky.

‘Nasa Screw Driver’ is a shot of very conc chang’aa from Siaya mixed with brandy, while ‘Kipindupindu’ is a cocktail of ‘Rotich’ brandy blended with hot water and ndimu with a dash of gin.

There is also ‘Free Maternity,’ which is basically ‘rats’ (muratina) and tequila, while ‘Presidential Balls’ is nothing more than a mixture of all of the above, and which made Papa English knock at the gates of State House Nairobi and instead of being arrested, the cops really had a field day laughing at “mzungu ame chizi!”