A Nairobi man will date you, your stepmother, best friend, colleague, workmate, fellow choir member, sister and his best friend’s woman, all at once.

Being a man comes with responsibility. Besides being masculine, a man must be logical in his reasoning and courteous.

But Nairobi men are lazy. The jobless ones idle in parks in the city or while away time on the streets, busy ogling at women.

Thanks to betting, these nitwits can now warm their butts betting the whole day and waiting for a windfall. And what do they do with the little coins they win? They buy cheap whisky and post their photos getting wasted online.

Then there are those who vegetate mitaani in ‘jobless corners’ waiting for political rallies and demos to loot. Why can’t these vermin just go home and farm, or set up kiosks, do something! While your agemates are busy in the boda boda and jua kali sectors, applying for Uwezo Fund loans and starting projects, you are busy lazing around and can’t even feed yourself.

You have no right claiming Nairobi women are materialistic. Which woman isn’t? No woman would marry a man who sits around all day or pretends to be job searching, but actually spends his days snoozing at Uhuru Park?! Show some potential man, at least that can earn you a wife!

Yet, these are the same men who are promiscuous and shamelessly brag about it. A Nairobi man will date you, your stepmother, best friend, colleague, workmate, fellow choir member, sister and his best friend’s woman, all at once.

And when silly women fight over him, the fool with be grinning from ear to ear. A Nai man will get you ‘paged’ and send you a few shillings to ‘sort out the mess.’ He already has three baby mamas and supports none. Surprisingly, some women, fully aware of his situation and irresponsibility, still think that their relationships with this man will be any different...and also end up preggers!

Men in Nairobi may not have notes in their wallets, but they wouldn’t miss a pack or two of condoms, the ones that smell like disinfectants! However, ukijipa pia, he will eat you kavu kavu, infect you with an STI and then block you, deactivate his account and leave you cursing.

These dudes party like there’s no tomorrow, yet they have rent arrears. They have nothing to their names besides the children with different women scattered all over the city. They will take loans to buy cars which they cannot fuel and only drive on the first week after the end of the month.

And that’s not all. These men are so bad in bed, you’ll be traumatised just thinking of the experience. Then again, what do you expect of men who eat GMO food? Where do you expect them to have the energy to kamatia chini with their protruding bellies? They are one-minute losers, no wonder women are walking with dildos openly in their handbags.

On the other hand, Nairobi women try hard, even to the extent of using Strepsils and other stuff to tighten those things for their men.  It is these same let-downs who will be chest-thumping while in bars about how they make women yank off their weaves, only for some woman to spill the beans on a braggart’s ‘toothpick’ that can’t prick! I suggest they take lessons from Mkombero-chewing men of Western, the fish-eating studs from the lakeside, the unbridled wildness of the Kisiis, and the slow, but sure grind of the coastals.

Our lazy Nairobian men whine and nag, and will break up with you on social media. They pick fights with women over petty issues, are chauvinistic and abusive. They pretend to love natural beauty, but spend hours ogling at made-up women on the internet and the streets.

Here’s a piece of advice. If you are a good-for-nothing lazy bum, get your act together. The reason your women are Googling white ‘ancestors,’ cocaine-peddling Oga men and migrating to other parts of the country is because you have failed.

@ScophineO

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