Kisii men are not famous for their romantic skills. An overstated furious temper? Somehow. A certain trait of stinginess? Only those from South Mugirango. Overly jealousy and possessive? We will see shortly.
For all their flaws, real and perceived, Kisii men have certain traits and abilities that should naturally endear them to all women predisposed to marriage. And good enough, these traits are so ingrained in their DNA, only a few Kisii men tend to veer off the set communal tangent. And this is why.
For starters, the most cherished possession of a Kisii man is a house.
In Kisii, more than anywhere else in the world, a man’s worth is measured by the house he has built. And the family he raises in it.
It is a matter of life and death. Presently, every man, be he a matatu conductor or a thieving government executive, can only build a permanent house. No any other community in this mediocre world puts a higher premium on home-ownership than the Abagusii.
I suppose any woman wants this kind of security. Kisii men believe in the family institution to the point of fundamentalism. It is a typical Bantu ethic, more reinforced among the Abagusii. I bet, few Kisii men die as bachelors compared to men in other communities.
Secondly, the ambition of Kisii men is unmatched in the country.
In Kenya, a tribe’s ambition is indirectly proportional to the available land: the less the land, the more the ambition. The land situation in Kisii is so grave that they cannot find a place to sink a grave, much less a pit latrine.
Therefore, they must be doubly overambitious. That should explain our invasion of Nairobi’s matatu sector.
Recently, a friend told me that Kisii men dominate the rackets that bootleg electricity, water and satellite TV in the city’s slums. Now, the illegality of that notwithstanding, the entire Kenyan enterprise is a racket, it shows how ambitious we are. I know women treasure ambition, that makes Mogaka and Momanyi ideal husbands for you.
Thirdly, a Kisii man will protect you. Our temper is venomous and we can be overprotective. This stems from the medieval times, soon as we settled in the Kisii highlands having arrived from Gabon.
We soon learned that we were surrounded by hostile and war-prone Nilotic neighbours -the Luos, Maasais and Kalenjins. Things have changed and we enjoy a cordial neighbourliness, save for around the election period.
We grew up ready to defend our women and children. That is why we are so quick with fists and occasionallywith machetes. You cannot touch a Kisii man’s mother, wife or children. That is like courting death.
Fourth, ironically, some women find us to be overly possessive, jealously and childishly insecure. See what love can do? Women should find this flattering. A man is only jealous and possessive because of love.
Dear women, the day a man stops being jealous or possessive is the day you should pack and leave. When we love women, we love them for good and can at times personalise them to a point of suffocation.
But it is a small price a woman should pay for the love a man showers her with. In some circumstances, they can be weird, but that is limited to Kisii who come from Nyamira, which frankly is not part of Kisii.
Fifth, in Kisii culture, children belong to the man. That means no man would want to see his child suffering out there. I know there are certain deadbeat and irresponsible men, but they are few and far between.
Generally, Kisii men are futuristic and want the best for their children and will stop at nothing to ensure the best for them. We also value education, the reason we have been ranked as the most literate tribe in Kenya.
So, there you have it. Try your luck, woman.