Being a parent is a tough, but enjoyable lifetime experience. A mother will always be quick to throw in a creative, well-placed lie to either keep a child in check or avoid a question she would rather not answer - questions like where do babies come from or why is Uncle Kanyadudi’s tummy so big, could he be pregnant? Mothers are brilliant at deception. That’s why they can easily manage children.
Here are 10 lies parents, over the decades, have dished out to their children:
1. Cartoons sleep at night
Kids love cartoons. Sometimes, getting them to sleep at night is impossible when a favourite a cartoon programme is on. So, a mother tells them that cartoons characters also sleep.
2. The chicken wants to be eaten
Lying to a child could be necessary if the little one is to feast on meat. So, a mother would say that chickens always want to be eaten as it gives them joy to be chosen as food. So, toto, here’s some chicken wings, go ahead make the kuku happy! That prevents kids from breaking down into tears if they really liked the kuku when it was alive! To make them eat cabbages, a mother would say without batting an eyelid that, “Eat the mboga my son, when it gets to the stomach, it will turn into meat!”
3. You have 10,000 words a month
You have only 10,000 words to use per month is the perfect ‘weapon’ to silence talkative kids who yap beyond their “monthly quota,’ especially kama kuna wageni (if there are visitors) to whom they might reveal the family secret with an embarrassing question like, “Mummy mbona daddy ali kuchapa jana?”
4. Kids are bought from supermarkets
Kids always ask where their week-old sibling has come from: God, soko, tumepewa na aunt Julia and the supermarket are good answers to shut them up.
5. Kissing will give you worms
This only works for a couple of years until the little brats grow into teenagers and discover that doing with the lips what the hands do has its pleasures.
7. Mum and dad play at night
Mum, who really had a helluva hell of a time last night, would explain to the inquisitive toto that, “Those funny noises you heard coming from our bedroom last night were just mummy and daddy playing.” And in a way she might not be lying. Really!
8. I was number one in class
All parents used to perform extremely well in school. They will then add, “Sijui hii number last yako umetoka nayo wapi, hii sio damu yetu!”