While women are busy searching for ‘sponsors’ among overrated city men, the village dude remains forgotten in the dating game. Rural men are not the breed you will find flaunting six-packs on Instagram or posing and posting obnoxious updates on Facebook. See, the rural dude, unencumbered by the fast-paced life in the city, could be busy teaching kids in Kajulu or engaging in agribusiness, supplying dhania and hoho to the nearest township.
Here are 10 reasons for dating the village guy:
1. Less complicated
City dudes look for chicks with university degrees and sense of style, besides being worldly wise and with a touch of class. Add figure-eight and ability to speak at least four foreign languages too. A village man is less complicated. All he demands, especially if he’s from Western Kenya, is a woman who can cook proper meals (read ugali and mboga kienyeji), loves and respects him, besides giving birth to in-house brats. Period.
2. Horse power
Village guys prefer real food to snacks like rice and waru chemsha. They feed on brown obusuma, nyoyo and managu for that horse power when the craving strikes. Granted, their idea of romance is the Stone Age twisting of your tits like door knobs, but they’re stallions in the sack and can go on and on until you wince when you pee.
3. Easy to milk
A rural dude can dispose ancestral land and his inherited land just to take you shopping. A boda boda operator pays college fee for a campus chick hoping she will marry him. A village dude will sell his goat for your Brazilian hair. They think mwanamke ni kutumiwa M-Pesa and will walk just so you can ride in an Uber cab. Not like a city jamaa who will buy you chips and kuku then a few pints of cheap liquor and behave like you have drained his inheritance.
4. Kua ‘pipi’ yangu
Shags guys date to settle down, unlike ‘born-city’ dudes whose side hustle is collecting women like artefacts for a gallery, besides chewing them like veve. A mashambani guy will insist you visit his home instead of fancy restaurants just so his mother can rate your cooking and manners. They will save for bride price, unlike city dudes who are rescued by wedding committees.
4. Oozing machismo
Unlike city boys who compete with their dates in the beauty department, ocha dudes are so masculine, water is their idea of lotion! They use bar soap for bathing and petroleum jelly when you insist. They do not have time for feminine stuff like manicure, pedicure or facials. They don’t invest in colognes and retain that smell of a he-goat which is a natural aphrodisiac!
5. What fashion?
They don’t care about fashion as they’re at home in Savco 1.5 Freezer jeans and tucked soccer jerseys. They won’t thus raise hell over your animal print dress or Peruvian hair during dates as they think Coco Chanel is a sort of beverage at Java!
6. The work horse
Ocha guys don’t sit around the house shuffling between the couch, kitchen and toilet, remote control in hand. There are hardly jobless corners in villages, because they are either in boda boda business or in the farm.
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7. No deadbeat dads
Getting knocked up while dating a city guy can be akin to committing maternal suicide. Being ‘paged’ by a city dude whose second name you barely know follows a vanishing act, but in the village, you can always send a delegation to his folks!
8. More focused
A man who trekked barefoot to school on an empty stomach and struggled in the village to be someone in life, has a better perspective on life and makes for a better dating partner and potential mate than a city spoilt brat, whose life has been margarine on bread, spiced with endless binge drinking.
9. You know his folks
A city guy will mostly introduce you to inconsequential drinking buddies or a distant and corny female cousin. But a rural chap will take you to meet his mother after the first month, and his brothers will start calling you shemeji. His relatives become your family whether you eventually settle or not.
Chicks always look for men who are God-fearing. Rural guys attend church and are members of the choir, unlike city boys whose Sundays are spent at the ‘Bedside Baptist Church’ nursing killer hangovers.