There are ways a married woman can tell her husband is a closet gay.
The phone applications your hubby prefers could be a pointer.
Robert Wanyeki, a confessed gay Kenyan warns married women that “if your man is on Grinder, Hornet or Blued app, he is definitely gay or bisexual because those apps are specifically for gay men to hook up.”
He also classifies gays into ‘does’, ‘bottoms’ or ‘versatiles.’
“We have the ‘top’ who are the doers, the bottom who receive services from the top and versatiles who can do both tops and bottoms.
“The bottoms are always feminine, though some hide it. The top are the masculine gay men who might even pass as straight but are not while the versatiles come in many types and the most common who hide in marriages and even enjoy sleeping with women sometimes.”
He adds that the bottoms are always the cheaters. When gay men cheat it is because of money and no other reasons that straight couples have.
He also says he doesn’t like the versatiles.
“I don’t like them because they have not clearly defined their sexual orientation and if they are married, they never confess it but hide it which brings conflict and they can easily transmit diseases to their wives.
“Some of them even go further to blackmail you. They are also the freakiest and may want you to satisfy all their weird fetishes that wives cannot.”
What next for Kenyan women who discover their husbands are gay?
Cathy discovered that her hubby was a closet homosexual after 15 years and five intelligent, lovely children. That was in 2008 when a missed flight at the airport saw her returning home where she was confronted by the reality of her man’s double life. The guy she met during a campus trip to the Coast that beautiful December afternoon in 1993 was having a romp with another man.
Cathy, whose parents were very religious, was speechless. She felt sick. Confused.
“If he was cheating on me with a woman, maybe I could have understood. But that my husband was the ‘woman’ in our own bedroom is even harder to swallow,” said the mother of five.
What happened after what Cathy describes as ‘life-changing’ incident is the dilemma that many couples have to deal with in Kenya today.
Women have lovers too
Then there is the case of Jimmy, a business man who was dumped by his wife when she discovered that he liked men. The father of three sons is said to be dating a struggling poet and has even been funding his poetry night sessions. But surprisingly, the man still posts photos of his latest female catch after the wife bolted, which is rather shocking for those in the know.
But Jimmy, as successful and wealthy as he is, is not the only one struggling with sexual identity crisis.
Pius (whose other names, like Jimmy’s, we can’t reveal) is another mandarin in the corporate world who was dumped by the daughter of a senior professor when she discovered he was not straight. Later, he hooked up with a musician whose career was fumbling, but she too left him months to their wedding. All along, Pius was having a fling with a male brand strategist at a marketing company.
It is not just married women who discover their spouses playing for the wrong team. Men too have caught their wives red-handed with women lovers.
As partners ‘come out’, many women find themselves shoved in the closet. Experts advise that one should seek immediate counselling services.
“This will help the woman and men decide what they both can and cannot live with. Get checked immediately for sexually transmitted diseases whether or not your partner admits to any sexual infidelity. Telling your children depends on their age and understanding.
You may need professional guidance to deal with this. It is important for them to feel loved and secure and that they know they are not to blame for the situation,” reads an excerpt from marriage.about.com.