[Photo: Shutterstock]

First time sex can suck. There are awkward moments as you navigate around a foreign body that is no different from driving somebody else’s car. But that’s the easy part. Handling yourself after you sleep with someone is where it gets complicated.

These post-sex moments can break or make or carve the path the relationship might take. So it’s really important to ace it as it might determine the kind of possible future relationship you will have with the guy.

Women go through an array of emotions right after the tadpole is unsheathed. They feel vulnerable and self-conscious. Was I good enough? Loud enough or too loud? Did he hear that embarrassing fart? Did my undies turn him off? Will he want me again?

What women don’t know is that men go through their moments too. Shame, if they feel their performance wasn’t up to par because you were awfully quiet during sex; guilt, if you are a really nice person and they started it off or lured you with lies, confusion if you are way better than their wife at home. Did you have an orgasm? Now that really bothers them!

So yes, just like you they need quiet space to sift through these emotions. Do not, I repeat do not use that moment after sex when you are both still drenched in sticky fluids to face him and ask, “So, what are we now?” Huge mistake sweetheart! At that moment what you are just two nude people in bed, nothing more. If you didn’t define the relationship before rolling in the hay, shut the ef up.  

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I know during sex men tend to make these big promises and might even slip a few major words like how they love you, especially if it was really that good. These words mean nothing so don’t fall over yourself because of what he said or try to box him in a corner to fulfil what he promised when he was clearly high in cloud nine. He promised to buy you a car? Haaa!

Women tend to feel chatty especially if they like the guy, (his fault for not making her worn out from orgasms) but it is better not to have conversation after sex because it can pretty much reel into a deep hole of regrets.[Photo: Shutterstock]

Now isn’t the time to start telling him about the men you’ve slept with. Neither is it the time to make silly monetary demands.

Photo: Shutterstock]

Whatever you do, do not scar him by laughing or making jokes about his penis because just imagine how bad it’ll sting if the tables were turned or ridicule his performance with snide comments like “is that it?”

But if your mouth really itches to talk then make the small talk very light. Say funny stuff or hilarious compliments, men love a good laugh. I found that saying “sir, I will leave you a five star review on trip advisor for the exceptional service!” makes men reel with laughter and diffuses an otherwise awkward situation. But seriously though, Men tend to just want to sleep afterwards. Let them.

If the sex date was at his house, don’t hang there too long after the deed is done. Always leave it at the first round on the first date, don’t explore everything because you think that is what will make him stick around.  If he wants more he knows how to get hold of you.

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Freshen up immediately afterwards and ask to leave if it’s at a safe time. If he invites you to sleep over then that’s fine but get the hell out of there at first light. Do not wake up there humming church songs, doing chores like you were wifed overnight and cows paid in long strokes. And don’t stay over all weekend waiting to be chased out of there by some lame excuse like my family cat just died. Walk out of there with some dignity.

Out of his house, go back to your normal life. Sex isn’t marriage and neither is it a relationship, It could mean something but it could also mean nothing. Go on dates, go out with your girls, and continue partaking in your hobbies. Do not put your life on hold because of the one sex trip you had with someone. Men are like thieves. They can plough you without an iota of commitment and feel nothing.

If he ghosts you afterwards then that’s alright, sh*t happens. Do not flood his phone with calls and messages when he is clearly avoiding you. Dust yourself, store those memories in your kuni trophy cabinet and move the hell on.  After all, it was just sex.

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