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Responsible men are very rare in this country, so if you have one at home, hold onto him tightly, like a wig on a windy day. I am talking about those men who are good fathers and even greater husbands.

Those men who go home straight from work, not the ones who stagger home past midnight belching alcohol fumes and reeking of two rounds of cheap back-alley sex.

Good men who take their biblical responsibilities seriously deserve to be treated like kings. Listen ladies, men are very simple creatures.

To be happy, all they need is sex, food and massaging the hell out of those mammoth egos. These require minimal effort, but trust me, the results are hugely rewarding.

Handle your husband the way you’d handle your most prized possession.  After all, he is yours.

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You wanna bathe him, by all means do it. Wanna feed him like a child? Why not! Wanna spend the evenings grooming his toes and massaging his shoulders? No one should stop you. Do not listen to those miserable women who will whisper negativity in your ears, that taking care of your man is slavery and all that nonsense.

What do they know when the only thing they’ll ever be responsible for are their wretched fake nails and lashes?  And by the way, they tell you that and when you sleep on your job, the same people will service your husband for you!

These are the things you can do that seem so insignificant, but at the end of the day, they give the subliminal message that your man is valued around the house. First of all, when it comes to meals, serve him exclusively.

Let the house girl take care of the kids’ before he notices her chocolate cleavage as she bends to hand him a plate of rice. And always serve his meals on special top-cabinet plates. Come on now, man of the house shouldn’t eat from a green plastic plate! Kwani what is he? A toddler?

Monotony is the mother of unhappy relationships. By all means, do not allow yourself to fall into that hole.

Understand that routine and same-old can be boring. Change your hairstyle often, don’t be those old matrons who wear one hairstyle all their lives.  In the bedroom, change the bedding regularly and every now and then, move the furniture around.

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If you can, change the goddamn colours! This will trick the brain into thinking it’s a new place and thus, resets sexual appetite.  

If you have the energy for it, rent a hotel room or an apartment on Airbnb near his workplace and send him the GPS pin at lunch hour.

It would be like a good adventure thrill, kinda like teenagers sneaking for a quickie! Such a turn on! As soon as you get into the house, before laziness sets in, take a bath, dress lightly and apply a scented body mist, just to feel fresh and smell nice. It is all about the attitude really. When you look good, you feel good, and you treat others better.

Remember, your home isn’t a soldier’s camp. Have fun with your man. Have pillow fights and mess around. Tease him mercilessly; flirt with him and sext the hell out of him during the day.

That’ll make him want to run home after work. In bed, don’t just lie there like an Arsenal goalkeeper waiting to let the goals in! Be an enthusiastic participant... and often initiate intimacy.

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Plan days just for the two of you. Take a day off and spend it without the kids or kid talk. Even parents need a break once in a while to recharge.

Your kids won’t die just because they haven’t seen you for one weekend. Your relationship came before them and it needs to be serviced in order for you to be the best parenting team you can be.

In the house, just be a wife, not a freaking critic. Even when he is wrong, there is a way you can talk to him without demeaning, especially if you happen to be educated or earning more than him.

Treat him well. In short, be that person who anyone would look forward to seeing at the end of a long day. For Christ’s sake, don’t make him wish he had roasted his rib instead!