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My absolute worst pet peeve in dating is when a new guy you are just getting to know starts turning all conversations sexual. It drives me absolutely nuts.

There is literally nothing that turns me off faster than a guy I barely know turning an innocent conversation sexual. Don’t get me wrong; I love dirty talk and sexting. In fact, I can confidently say that I am a bit of an expert dirty talker.

However, when a guy leads with that, it completely puts me off and I no longer want anything to do with him. This is why I hate online dating. Two seconds into the conversation and some faceless dude is already asking you whether you swallow or if you are a squitter. Arrgh! I can’t.  

There is this guy I met a few months ago. I met him through a friend and he expressed interest in me. I thought he was cute, so I gave him my number. That night, he texted me and we started getting to know each other and planning our first date.

A few minutes into the conversation, he, out of the blue, asked me if I moan or scream during sex. I was stunned! We hadn’t even gone out on a first date! We hadn’t even discussed having sex! Yet, there he was brazenly asking if I was a moaner or screamer.

I was confused on how to handle that question. I really liked him and was hoping things would work out between us, but there was no way in hell I was going to play along to that conversation that early on in the relationship.

I definitely didn’t want him to think I was some sort of prude, but at the same time, I wasn’t feeling comfortable discussing sexual topics with him. I thought about laughing it off and deflecting the question or changing the topic to something a little more appropriate. However, as I was thinking of what to say to him, I thought ‘to hell with him’ and blocked him.

When he realised that I had blocked him on WhatsApp, he sent me a strongly-worded text message, calling me immature and telling me that he was just flirting and that if I didn’t want to answer the question, I could have just said so.

For a minute, he made me feel stupid and I thought that maybe I had overreacted and that it wasn’t such a big deal. But only for a minute. After my head cleared, I knew I had made the right decision and even today I don’t regret that decision.

A man who leads with sex is bad news (unless of course, that is what you are looking for, in which case, play along sister!) It is only immature fuck boys who think that constantly bringing up sex or alluding to it before they have even met you is harmless flirtation.

I don’t know about you, but I look for mature, commitment-minded men. If a man starts asking you about what you like in bed or your favourite positions even before you have discussed having sex, it is a huge red flag. Do not engage! When will men learn that this is the worst way to try to connect with a woman?

 @roxannekenya