Members of the infamous ‘Team Mafisi’ are notorious for employing all manner of tricks and stopping at nothing to raid cookie jars.
These hyenas have devised well-thought-out and time-tested tricks and lies they use to get women between the sheets, including masters of ‘hard to get’. This being the month of love, women have every reason to be cautious.
The efficiency with which some of them pull the tricks has always left unsuspecting women with broken hearts, wondering whether these beasts went to the same ‘post-graduate school of seduction’ and graduated with master’s degree in the art.
These men leave nothing to chance; when one trick hits a brick wall, they employ another. In some instances, connoisseurs of the game say, multi-pronged strategies are used and before a woman knows it, her cookie jar has been raided and the ‘fisi’ has vanished without a trace.
Chemical warfare that makes girls itch to get naked
World over, money is tonic for the heart. But with the economy in the loo, alcohol has taken its place in as far as randy romps are concerned. This is the commonest trick men use when they want to randomly get laid.
A certain Kanini, a cyber cafe attendant, still can’t believe how easily she let a friend, whom she had been playing hard to get for, raid her cookie jar.
He took advantage of the fact that she is fun-loving, easy-going and loves the bottle. She says the close friend, masquerading as a gentleman, came up with a drinking game, which she later discovered is christened ‘chemical warfare’.
“We were just the two of us at his place on my first visit. Once I fell for the drinking trick, he came up with an undiluted whisky gulping competition. Once I was wasted, one thing led to another and the rest, as they say, is history,” complains Kanini, adding that she regrets it and hated the man because she was not ready for it.
A self-proclaimed member of ‘Team Mafisi’ told this writer that the use of ‘chemical warfare’ is the easiest, especially on female drinkers.
What’s more, there are certain beer brands commonly referred to as panty removers that have increasingly become popular for they easily aid in getting women wild and itch to undress.
Sly, great cook with girls as his favourite dish
A certain Eric, a self-proclaimed life member of the infamous randy team, jokes that “women are known to play hard to get, even when it is written all over their faces that they want to get jiggy.
“At such times, a man has no option but to use underhand tactics to raid the cookie jar. Nothing personal, it’s just a game and no force is used,” says Eric.
For him, promising to cook his date her favourite meal always does the trick. As many women will attest, a man who can cook stands out.
“Women like men who can cook. They find it sexy. Some will tell you there is just something sensual about a man cooking for a woman,” says Eric, who is a chef by training, but works at a second-hand clothes dealer in Nairobi.
Eric says food is a great conversation starter. “Everybody likes good food. Like fashion, food is always a great topic to discuss with women. I always take the conversation a notch higher by bragging about my abilities to cook their favourite dishes and other delicacies. Of course, this is where they play into my hands by challenging me to stop bragging and prove my cooking skills,” chuckles Eric.
He goes on to add that this gives him a perfect excuse to avoid outdoor dates and invite the women to his house.
“As you prepare them their favourite food, you play your cards well while at it, so that in the end, before they know it, you turn them into a ‘dish’,” he says.
Seemingly, the most difficult part for most members of ‘Team Mafisi’ is getting women to their houses. Once they are done with this huddle, the rest, many told us, is as easy as abc.
Engineered sleepover passed off as emergency
When he invited her over to his house, James had no clue she was going to be an easy lay. Once they were done dining, wining and watching a movie, he expected her to insist she wanted to leave. But each time she requested to leave, he jokingly begged her to hang on a bit.
“At some point I changed the excuse, promising her my cab guy will drop her. But as it got late, I changed the script and told her I had lost my cab guy’s contact, warning her it was not safe anymore for her to leave,” narrates James.
He went on to beg her to spend the night, claiming he is a gentleman and vowed not to ‘touch’ her, only to nag her all night, lying he was only going to use kichwa tu (the ‘tip’). It worked.
Hilarious tales have been told of men who beg unsuspecting women for sleepovers, claiming they will sleep in separate beds.
“Look, I am a good man. I won’t disturb. I will sleep on the sofa and let you peacefully sleep in my bed,” they will lie.
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One woman Karambu* who spoke to Crazy Monday says such a lie was once used on her, only for her to wake up next to one hairy colleague the following morning, with damage already done.
“Others will even tell you they are ‘different’ from your average man. They will boast about their non-existent self-control, saying, “I have on several occasions slept in the same bed with my female friends and nothing happened, so you are not the first one.”
Friendzoned types with sob tales, seeking woiye sex
Maureen*, a 28-year-old banker in Nairobi, says she has been a victim of cunning ‘Team Mafisi’ members and she now knows them inside out.
“When they want to have a piece of you, they always come up with all sorts of sad or sorrowful situations, with them as the pained victims,” says Maureen.
Under this strategy, these men take advantage of the fact that women are empathetic, caring and always willing to help.
However, their biggest waterloo is when the man in question is ‘loaded’ financially or looks good. They just can’t help it, but give in. Many women have reported cases in which they only gave it up, out of mercy, pity or sympathy.
What, however, might shock many of such types is that such sad tales and situations are always stage-managed by the man. Take, for instance, the case of a certain Nduati.
“He came to me, whining that he had been dumped and efforts to get into a serious relationship have been futile. He went ahead to insinuate he was going through a dry spell and literally begged to get laid, even if just on friendly basis. By the time we knew what was going on, he had slept with three of us, his close friends” says Karen, a victim of a man who was only looking for hit-and-run prospects in his colleagues and friends.
“Most of such men always come up with sob stories of how their women or wives mistreat them, making it look like you are their only source of solace and consolation,” says Karen.
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She goes on to laugh about the lame excuses. “Oh...my wife hates me, she mistreats me... Oh, my ex-girlfriend coned me and swept my house clean... Oh, my baby mama is on my neck for no reason... I am in so much pain and stress, can you come over and spend some time with me please woiye,” she says.
Silly as some of these sob stories sound, women always fall for them hook, line and sinker.
Still, ‘Team Mafisi’ have also not thrown away old tricks like promising to marry their object of desire. Some will push the joke further by buying engagement rings, which they give tens of women, promising to marry them. But once they hit the jackpot, they, like a fart in the air, vanish.