In my mind’s eye I can see people – both women and men – leaning forward to scan for the signs that their partner is cheating.
You want confirmation that those little things which have been happening with your spouse actually mean what you think they mean. Well, you’re not going to get that here.
Instead of waiting until you have evidence about your partner cheating, wouldn’t you want to turn that magnifying glass inward? How about checking yourself for signs that you are a candidate to be cheated on?
Now, marriage is for better or worse, and if you are in a worse state there is no real excuse for your partner to step out on you. They should be working with you to push things back into better.
But there is also no excuse for you to remain complacent in a bid to test how serious your partner was about sticking with you in all weather, so ignore the warnings at your own risk.
Stingy men! In any income bracket, there are ways you can spend on your woman – stop giving lame excuses or always going for the cheapest option. Please, this one needs no further explanation. The path to a cheating partner is always lined with assumptions about your own state. For instance, do you think you are already the perfect partner? Have you stopped trying to be better?
Sometimes this manifests in a lack of personal hygiene or pride in one’s appearance. Other times it means you stop being clever, funny, outgoing or entertaining.
Do you remember the last time your man did an open-mouthed double take when you decided to dress up? Well, he also doesn’t remember, and he is certainly on the market for that feeling again.
If you no longer know how to make your woman laugh out loud or smile and blush like a teenager, you are slipping. I guarantee you there is someone at her workplace or church who can compliment her and give her butterflies.
Do you assume that you have no annoying habits and that your spouse has all of them? Trust me, you are not black Jesus. There are things you do which are annoying and your spouse has just decided it is safer not to tell you.
Don’t believe me? Send them a WhatsApp message now and ask them what is the most annoying habit you have – be sure to add plenty of smiley emojis so they know it is safe to be honest. Then wait for the surprising and painful truth.
You spend all your time nagging about the socks and underwear being put outside the basket when you pick your nose constantly and snore like a steam train. Someone who feels unfairly criticised and who is never free to give you feedback is ripe to even the score with some ‘away games’.
Of course we have to consider the bedroom. Do you assume that you are great in bed and your partner is always satisfied? Men, I am giving you the side eye here. Can you tell when your wife is faking it, or do you just swell with pride because she is calling your name?
It cannot be the same old scientific pole-in-a-hole for 120 days of a year – that is assuming it happens at least twice a week.
You don’t have to get into leather suits and handcuffs – a simple change of scenery, such as a weekend away can work wonders. A new confidence-building nightie maybe; heck, even switching off your phones would be a great start.
Examine yourself – do you secretly believe you have a right to get even or punish your partner for everything they do to you?
You are a prime candidate for being cheated on. Why? Bitterness and inability to forgive make you very unattractive – actually, they repel partners.
I don’t care if you’ve downloaded the Kama Sutra into your mental hard drive – sex with someone you secretly want to stab cannot be meaningful or enjoyable and they feel it too; they’re not stupid.
And when you are done ‘punishing’ them, sometimes for something they did not do, they will feel even more empowered and entitled to cheat on you.
One day some angry woman scientist will develop a retinal scan you can put in your partner’s belly button, so that if a stranger’s eye is looking at their naked body it shoots acid at them or something.
But until they perfect the technology for us to stay true by force, we have to work on making it easy for our partners to choose us over temptation every time.