The Forum for Democratic Change (FDC) party presidential flag-bearer is balancing on a very high, tightrope this campaign period. We are not sure if he is a magician or a stunt master, but one thing is for sure – he is frustrating the police and keeping us following his antics on social media like a drama series on TV.
Ugandan Police have taken up permanent residence around his Kasangati home in readiness to pounce on him when called upon. Besigye announced on his Facebook page that he will be traveling to open the FDC offices in Tororo district.
The police therefore sealed off his home and set up road blocks on all major roads leading to Tororo in Eastern Uganda. When they heard that he had sneaked into town, the whole town was sealed off like there was a terror alert, as police combed the streets.
As usual, when we hear there will be kavuyo (drama), we show up in droves to catch the action live. People climbed trees and rooftops, not caring about the risk to their lives, a stranger would have thought that the Pope had come early to walk to Namuwongo Martyrs Shrine.
The wananchi simply wanted to get a vantage point to follow the running battles and record them for posterity – you never know who would offer a free strip show!
The newly commissioned FDC office was cordoned off because police thought Besigye was cowering inside it, but alas, it was futile. Besigye “appeared” like Jesus of Nazareth, from a market street in his official vehicle waving at the crowds from the open roof. The police had no option but to allow him to address the public at the main matatu stage in town.
As police are still baffled by how he eluded them, I am here to offer a few theories. How did he do it? He could be using doppelgangers; we have already met one, the Kenyan photojournalist Jeff Ochieng.
Meeting Ochieng’ must have planted the idea of finding others to ensure that there is a “double” left at his residence when he leaves in disguise. Maybe he is a wizard – there are rumours that some Ugandan musicians and wealthy individuals travel “underwater” and are spotted in distant continents without passing through the airport. Besigye could have found a way to tap into these networks in a bid to win the highest seat in the land.
However, the most likely hypothesis is that Besigye has a time machine that allows him to manipulate time. We are living in a century where reality is stranger than fiction; this election is not being fought at the ballot box.
Museveni has the musical front, Amama has social media and Besigye has the technological front. This epiphany came to me while listening to the speech when he claimed that once elected to the highest office, he will tackle poverty within the first year and also reinstate analogue TV “so that those who can afford digital can use it and those who cannot will stay on analogue.”
He will need that time to jump into his machine and revisit the scenes of the various billion-dollar scandals that have been unearthed in the past year. We all need to know where to collect our handouts, thus we need the analogue signal back, as some people only get to watch news at local hotels that have pay TV in the lobby and restaurant.