When weathering a breakup, it is in your best interest to follow the ‘no contact’ rule or as it is popular known, ‘NC.’

The concept of NC is simple: sever all communications with your ex regardless of whether the breakup was acrimonious, amicable or somewhere in-between. Completely avoiding your ex is a surefire way to disconnect emotionally and move on with your life.

NC should be about you moving on. It is not a weapon you can use to wage war with your ex. It is not a ploy to make your ex miss you. How your ex interprets or reacts to your decision to cease communication is their business, not yours. Attempting to get over a split without taking this step might still get you the desired results, but the process will be a whole lot more messy, drawn-out, and distressing than it needs to be.

The no contact rule is extremely difficult to adhere to. This is a person you shared your life with, the person who was very important to you. It is not easy to throw all that away. It’s hard to imagine not talking to him or her, not sharing the mundane details of your life with them, not laughing at all the private jokes that you created together over the years.

You undoubtedly had some extraordinary and memorable times that you want to hold on to, and keeping in touch and remaining friends may seem like a fantastic consolation prize. However, as long as you stay around your ex, you will constantly be reminded of how much you miss your relationship and it will make it harder to move on.

Memories have a sneaky way of cropping up each time you see your former lover’s face. Don’t cheat yourself that you can just be friends. Transitioning from lovers to friends doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time.

During the NC period, you should avoid your ex completely. Resist the temptation to call him and do not respond to his calls either. If you think your ex might try to stay in touch with you after the breakup, let them know beforehand that you are taking time off to heal and you won’t be contacting them or responding to them when they contact you.

Steer clear of places you think you might bump into your ex even it means giving up your favourite hangout joint. You should not stalk your ex on social media or use status updates to convey covert messages about your ex or the relationship.

Get rid of anything that reminds you of them as it will lessen the amount of time spent thinking about them and consequently lower the likelihood of you reaching out to  your former flame because you miss them.

NC is hard. It may seem impossible at first, but it is worth a try. Start small. Tell yourself to follow NC for a month. During this time, keep yourself busy with friends and improving yourself.

You won’t even notice the 30 days go by. After you reach the 30-day mark, try another 30 days. Keep this up until you are sure you are completely over your ex. If you break NC, don’t despair. Start all over again. Push yourself a little bit further every day.

@roxannekenya


break up;relationships