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Man sells land, dies after lustful escapades

CRAZY WORLD
By By ANTHONY GITONGA | October 21st 2013

By ANTHONY GITONGA

Residents of a Kinangop village were treated to a bizarre incident when a 65-years-old farmer sold his land, entertained women at his local bar with beer in exchange for an opportunity to fondle their breasts only to mysteriously die in his sleep —that night.

Strange tales of alcoholism in this area have been told. However, this particular one took the biscuit. The old man sold his piece of land and went to his local to entertain women. After taking one too many, ideas began germinating on his mind.

Tit for tat being a fair game, he chose to make a simple request to women he was treating; that he fondles their mammary glands.

Little did he know that he had chewed more than he could bite. Women who had been drinking at his local caused a stampede — as they fell over each other — desperately attempting to have him massage their milk boxes.  Broke men — who had limited themselves to cheap liquor and spirits and sharing cigarettes — in the vicinity watched in shock (whilst others salivated in disbelief) as the farmer-turned ‘tycoon’ went about his business.

A witness told this writer that: “the old man had agreed to exchange a parcel of land with a car plus an extra Sh20,000.” A week later, living high on the hog left him broke. He began searching for someone to buy his car, but only got one with whom they exchanged a motorbike with Sh50,000 to boot.

It all began as a joke with the old man daring a barmaid to have her breast fondled for Sh1,000. “At first we thought he was kidding and much to our shock, the barmaid — perhaps stone broke — shyly gave in. It all happened to the delight of cheering drunks,” said a patron.

As she walked away —all giggly, the old man urged her to bring over her colleagues and clarified that he only wanted those with shy breasts.

Mammary glands

In a short while, the bar, rarely frequented by women, had tens of them all ready to make a quick buck. The farmer, who had become an overnight celebrity, sampled all the mammary glands as they defended their shameful act.

“The last time our men touched us was years ago as they are slaves to illicit brews, and where in the world do you get paid Sh1,000 to be fondled!” wondered one of them.

The craziness went on for a while until the old man got thoroughly drunk that he could not handle more breasts anymore. “Haki ya mungu hata mimi nitauza ile gashau yangu nanifanye kama huyu mwanaume (I swear, I will sell my calf and pull such a stunt),” joked one of the drunkards.

Died

The drama was, however, to end on a sour note after the farmer — who had been taken to a friend’s house to sleep — was found died the following morning in unclear circumstances.

“I think he either drunk too much alcohol, or the excitement of touching too many breasts at the same time excited him to death,” said one of the drunkards.

As Kinangop tries to come to terms and plan the burial of the farmer, the debate raging on is whether too much money, alcohol and breasts can kill!

Nyandarua South OCPD, Samson Munyao, confirmed the incident saying investigations are on. But he was, however, coy on the ‘breasts’ bit saying he, too, had heard it, but couldn’t confirm.

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