‘Smart’ Alphie sees conspiracies everywhere, other than his own candidature

Machakos County Governor Alfred Mutua addresses the press in Kisumu on December 2, 2020. [Denish Ochieng, Standard]

My old buddy, Machakos Governor Alphie Mutua, is a funny man.

Never mind his Cobra Squad TV series that made him popular as king of drama. I don’t know if Alphie is still making films, but he does know a thing or two about costume and makeup.

He dressed the part yesterday when he appeared on Citizen TV’s morning show. His hair was neatly trimmed, dyed and oiled.

I kept waiting for the dye to drip down, as did US politician Rudy Giuliani’s, who had a meltdown on live TV not too long ago. Rudy, too, is into drama; he featured in a Borat film that he later disowned.

But Aphie is not into that kind of drama. He is a serious film producer and as a former journo, he told presenter Trevor Ombija he knows a thing or two about publishing. “I don’t know if you are a smart guy…” he started.

Ombija, of course, is a smart guy, so he let Alphie carry on. Having read the morning Press, Alphie went on, he had detected a similarity in all the four national dailies. They all reported the new Chief Justice, Lady Justice Martha Koome, had a huge “in tray” waiting.

Alphie said he couldn’t quite tell if this was a rare concurrence of thought, or someone was conspiring with the scribes to set a certain agenda.

The clincher: Alphie repeated a few times that Deputy Prezzo was his “main challenger in 2022.” Now, who is inventing such an asinine narrative? It’s a pretty smart move!

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