Yes, you can break up with your ex and still maintain your dignity
This year is already proving quite interesting, what with stories of government shutdowns, pseudo-political resignations and the nchi ya wa washenzi
memes. For me the most exciting story has been the Jeff Bezos divorce, where he is dumping his wife for his neighbour’s wife. I hear the couple did not sign a pre-nup so his wife (soon to be ex-wife will walk away with close to 70 billion dollars. The couple announced their separation with some decorum and good manners, even saying they will continue working together on certain projects. This has me thinking about how we like to handle breakups in this side of the world. We are not good at handling breakups and sometimes we end up making things super messy. So here are a few simple rules for those who see no need to continue in a relationship:
Stop being vague, say it
Most people especially men do not adopt full transparency when it comes to ending a relationship. Whenever they feel tired of a relationship, they resort to madharau
and vanishing mode. Suddenly, they no longer return phone calls, they no longer invite their partners on dates as they mysteriously become too busy. I suppose they imagine their partners will get the hint and disappear into the horizon. Women are also not entirely blameless for you have some who derive some perverse pleasure form ‘stringing’ men along in the ‘madharau
’ zone in the hope that the men will get the hint and drop off like flies. Some man who claims to be wise in the ways of men once told me that men adopt this attitude because they might be a time in future when they might need to ‘revisit’ the relationship (in this case revisit positively especially carnally). Whatever rationale one chooses to adopt, this madharau approach is lame and cowardly and only ends up messing up people. If you want to end the relationship, stop the shadowy vagueness - summon yourpartner and say it to their face.
Social media is not for breakups
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In these days of social media, there are people who choose to put all their business in the media. These folks proudly tell the world that they have shifted status from being in a relationship to ‘single’. This is somewhat forgivable but things get murky when jilted lovers use their social media accounts to smear their exes. We all know about those exes who feel compelled to notify the entire social media universe of the shortfalls of the persons they once professed undying love to. Some claim they are motivated by kindness and love for humanity as they seek to ‘protect’ future victims. We now know that that this is just another brand of hogwash aimed at soliciting a few shreds of public sympathy on a purely private matter. To avoid this, when relationship breakup time approaches, then it is time to cease all social media contact. Avoid the desire to continue those comments, likes and retweets on your ex’ssocial media profiles - the world will thank you for it.
One of the strangest habits about breakups is how exes become clingy and obsessed with hanging on to material possessions. They refuse to surrender a variety of stuff that found its way to their residences. It becomes a game of back and forth about returning bizarre stuff like household utensils, clothes, electronics and in some cases even cars. Logic and commonsense dictate that once you cease to enjoy a person’s affection and attentions, you should also cease enjoying their personal effects. Hanging onto them is a way of creating a bizarre power play since the ex is expected to beg to have their goods back. It is important to also have a stop date for ‘begging for return’. For example, if your ex fails to return personal belongings within 90 days of end of the relationship, then quit asking or nagging for their return - consider them as lost or stolen. If on the other hand youcontinue to hang onto your ex’s personal belongings way after 90 days then consider yourself to be mentally unhinged or a criminal - get ready to visit a shrink or to be visited by the cops. The only things you hang onto are the your things, or the things you paid for (and only if you have receipts to prove it).
Go easy on the rebound
Romantic wisdom and so-called romantic best practice says the easiest and fastest way to get over someone is to get into someone else. This is why jilted lovers rush into the arms of the nearest most attractive person they find to get over their breakup. Usually some efforts lead them into the arms of rather unsavoury characters such as friends and relatives of their exes or into the arms of men and women of ill repute. While rebounds are a good way to get back on the saddle, they must be done with some finesse - lest one ends uppaying too hefty a price.
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Breakups are never easy but they are no reason for people to behave badly. If you must walk away, then do so without the mess.
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Simple hacks to get over your ex:
- Alcohol, phones and darkness do not go well together. Avoid calling your ex after consuming a few drinks especially in the night - trust me it never ends well for anyone
- Your replacement is not your friend - treat them as an enemy until you are fully recovered from the break up
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- Avoid places and joints that remind you of your ex for a while. Going to such places will only cause people to enquire after your ex, which could lead to shenzi