Women plant marriage seed in December and get ring by Valentines

If research companies were to conduct surveys amongst married men, they would receive some interesting responses to the questions: Describe how you got married? Did you plan to get married?  Which month of the year did you get married? In most instances, they would find out that most men consider themselves to have been ambushed or hijacked into marriage.

They would probably claim that their wives ‘crept’ upon them and tricked them into marriage. I am willing to bet that this research would reveal that most of these marriages by ‘unplanned hijacking’ happen in December- the official party month of the year. Women have learnt to take advantage of the relaxed and festive December season to execute the best-laid plans. Here are a few ways in which women use December to transform boyfriends into husbands:

As we all know, December is the month when most Kenyans make drinking and merrymaking their pastime. It is the season for random house parties and afternoons of booze and nyama choma. When a woman has a plan to ensnare a man, she will ensure that she accompanies him to nearly all his party appearances. A determined woman will usually make the first move by making a seemingly ‘innocent’ invite for the target man to join her for some ‘random’ barbeque or drink up. The target man is usually a male friend with whom she has been sharing harmless conversations, usually in the form of Whatsapp chats.

Invitations and appearances

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The man who is under the influence of the Christmas spirit will see no harm in this invite and will oblige by showing up, eating and drinking to his fill. The lady will make sure that he has such a good time, that he has no choice but to accept all her subsequent invites. The man will be so pleased with this ‘first date’ that he will respond in kind by asking this same ‘kind woman’ to join him as he goes on his party agenda. This back and forth invitations and appearances usually means that the two people officially become a couple, with mates, friends and family serving as witnesses and in some cases, advocates for the relationship.

A determined woman then follows up the ‘joint appearances and sightings’ stage with well-choreographed sleepovers. The woman will orchestrate events so that she spends more than 50 per cent of the December nights in the house of the man she has set her eyes on. The first step of this sleepover dance involves ensuring that she becomes fully dependent on her man’s means of transportation - so that he picks and drops her as they move around the December events circuit.

The second step usually requires some alcoholic intervention, where the woman plans to get sufficiently inebriated (but not blacking out). This way, she is able to lure the man with some sneak pleasure previews so that he feels inspired to continue the journey of discovery in his house. Women who embark on this journey will have conducted their due diligence and eliminated men who live with their mothers from the list of potential candidates. Women on a marriage mission focus on sleeping over at the man’s place - they do not go for the chips funga option where the man sleeps over at their place. For this plan to work, the woman must ensure that the sleepover happens in the man’s house, not in a hotel he has paid for or in a buddy’s house.

The marking of the territory stage follows the frequent sleepover stage and this is where the man is gently persuaded to see the benefits of a permanent domestic arrangement. Once the woman has delivered on the bedroom front, she takes it a step further and shows the man the benefits of having a domestic goddess. For example, a woman with eyes on the prize will on the morning after a sleepover, arise and prepare a wholesome breakfast for the man. She will resist the urge to head off to the nearest café for their breakfast and instead familiarise themselves with what the neighbourhood kiosk has to offer in terms of breakfast ingredients.

The woman will follow up the nutrition session with  ‘light cleaning and dusting’ so that the bachelor pad looks and feels more habitable. Before the woman leaves the house, she will conveniently forget a personal item, such as an undergarment in the bathroom, as a way of marking her territory. She will conclude this stage by ensuring that come the new year, her target man has enjoyed so much of her domestic skills and talents, that he can longer live without them.

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By January 1, a successful woman will have conveniently accumulated enough personal possessions in the man’s house that she operates from his house to her workplace or to the next party. Women have been deploying this strategy successfully for years, planting the marriage seed in December, securing a ring by Valentine’s Day and in some cases, bringing forth an offspring by   August or September. So, for women who want to bag a man, December is the best month to go for it. 

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MarriageRelationshipsValentines