×
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
  • Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
  • The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
  • P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
  • Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
  • Email: [email protected]

Today I heard a man cry and it was unfortunate

News

Today I heard a man a cry, and it was unfortunate.

He called me on the phone, frustrated by his wife. He represents a big number of frustrated husbands.

He broke down because his wife is accusing him of cheating and the wife claims he is planning on leaving her; she has turned his life into hell. She bangs doors at home, sneers, attacks him, sends him hurtful messages and disrespects him in front of their children.

I asked him if he can trace back to why she thinks he is cheating?... Is he flirting? Is he giving other women attention?

He is confused because nothing he does is suspicious. His phone has no passwords, but because he is too transparent, she concludes he is hiding something. He is an active Church leader, but she concludes he is using church as a cover-up. He tells her of his schedule but she concludes he cannot be that honest and claims he is using his work as an excuse.

I knew what was going on as we spoke further.

A lot of women have been hurt in past relationships and instead of dealing with that pain, they hide behind a new relationship or marriage. Such women who have been hurt by other men in the past, end up doubting their own husbands no matter how good the husband is. Such women have already concluded that all men are up to no good and so even when the husband does good, they feel his goodness means he is being cunned. Such women don't believe in true love. Yes, ironically, there are women who get married and yet don't believe in true love. Why get into an institution you do not believe in?

There is also the case of an insecure wife hanging around hurting women who feed her doubts and lies about the husband and the institution of marriage. Yes, friends can destroy your own marriage by poisoning your mind. They might see your spouse somewhere, rush to judgment and convince you that your marriage is in trouble. Unfortunately, some people listen to more of what the friends say than what the spouse says because they are quick to assume the worst. Some people because they are not happy in their relationship/marriage, they don't want you to be happy in yours. Bitter people will want to ruin your happiness.

There is also the case of lack of self-fulfillment. When you are not fulfilled as an individual, you take out your feelings of failure on your spouse. When you are not working or you have a bad job, you have so much time to imagine evils your spouse is doing and you conclude your imaginations are true. This is especially so with women who are staying at home as they raise their children or who feel their career isn't as admirable, they tend to believe in the worst of their successful husbands.

But this false accusation is not in women alone, even men who are insecure accuse their wives falsely. They see the beauty of their wife and get uncomfortable thinking she might be luring other men, they get intimidated by her shine, they get uncomfortable with her healthy social life, they dictate how she should dress, they get suspicious of her every move. It is so difficult, hurtful and stressful to be married or in a relationship with someone with a low self-esteem who is convinced you are doing wrong. Some women claim it is their instinct telling them their man is cheating yet it is not instinct, it is their fear and insecurities making them paranoid.

I advised the gentlemen who called me in tears. We had such a good conversation and he requested that I share it without disclosing his identity to help others. One piece of advice I told him was

"You are married to a hurting woman who has unresolved issues from her past. You married her, she is your responsibility; help her to heal"

How about you, is your low self-esteem, fear, feeling of failure, hurtful past causing you to accuse your spouse falsely? Are your friends misleading you to crucify your innocent spouse? Stop it! It is time to heal. The worst thing you can do to a good spouse is to accuse him/her falsely; it is hurtful, discouraging and unfair. Don't let your past pain ruin your present blessing.

In my new book, MANHOOD SERIES, I encourage men to heal; that woman who hurt you in your past is not your wife... stop carrying anger. Be secure in yourself, don't stress or stifle the progress and shine of your good woman.

In my other new book, WOMANHOOD SERIES, I walk with women through emotional healing and stability. I also encourage women to find self fulfillment because life is not about being a wife and a mother. When you are fulfilled as an individual, you will be fulfilled as a couple.

© Dayan Masinde

To purchase the MANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word MAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

To purchase the WOMANHOOD SERIES written by Dayan Masinde, MPESA Ksh. 200 to 0721590954, then text the word WOMAN and your email address to the same number and the book will be sent to your email address for you to download and read on your phone or computer.

Related Topics


.

Popular this week

.

Latest Articles