The Celebville Residents

There are many wannabes who desire to live in celebville but cannot afford 'rent' in this fickle and demanding high street. But there are those who have made it second home, writes TONY MOCHAMAThis list of a hundred, minus TV personalities, is the complete list of the peeps currently Pulsers call ‘celebrities’. If you consider yourself a celebrity and are not on it, then work harder to be in Pulse (because we say who the celebs are in this town, and all of the above are folks we’ve featured in one form or another over the last eight weeks).Beware though; rent in ‘Celebville’ is steep. And other than dangerous neighbourhood dogs called ‘Paparazzi,’ the landlady called Fame can evict you any time, bila notice.Susan Adhiambo — The current Miss Kenya is pretty and beguiling, with that ‘X’ factor that is missing in too many beauty queens nowadays.Eric Wainaina and Suzanne Owiyo — Ask anyone outside the gates of ‘Celebville’ who are its two leading citizens in there, and these are the two names most likely to crop up.Wahu [Photo: Standard]Daddy Owen —This Saul turned Paul crook saw the light and turned to the Lord, and lo and behold! He is gospel king.Juliani — He is possibly the most talented musician in the country, going by his lyrics and his dazzling performances.Nameless — ‘Kamonski’ is the architect of his own destiny and has ruled the roost of our local music since his Ninanoki hit exactly a decade ago. Bravo!Churchill — This very gifted thespian and comedian will go down in our history as a Kenyan celebrity who took laughter and satire to another level.DJ KayTrixx — This red-haired rasta young man has shot up far and fast among Pulsers, and knows his decks and music.Size 8: Since she appeared on the scene, this little vixen has taken us all by fire and storm. Go gal.Kambua: This ‘spleng’ has a voice that belongs to a choir of angels, and a presence that graces the stage.Kidum: Say what you will about Kidum, but he is not just yesterday’s man. He is a really great band-man.Mejja — He emerged from the humble slums of Nyeri’s Majengo slums and with his comical musical act, yeye kweli ni celeb wetu.Maina Kageni [Photo: Standard]Eric Omondi — He has blossomed to become one of the funniest gents of the Pulse generation. And so much more.Jalang’o — The loudmouth radioman is almost the prototype of the typical Kenyan celebrity.DNG — Handsome, talented and one very loud MCee, the dreadlocked DNG almost seemed destined for celebville from the very start.Mshamba Zebedeyo — The Lunje of Radio Maisha has had a long and winding, and at times very funny road, to Celebville.Ringtone — Just like an annoying ringtone, this celeb has a way of catching the media’s attention, even through failed political bids.Eko Dyddah — He truly has a reason to stop, stutter, falter and smile... as one of the more unique gospel acts.Tattuu — Angela Ndambuki, Angela Mwadanda and Debbie Asila are the original girl group, the trio of celebrities who never grow old.Wahu — The queen of re-invention will always have a place in the heart of Pulsers, not just as one half of one of Kenya’s most famous couples, but in her own right as an artiste.Eve D’Souza — Like ‘Superwoman’, Eve D’Souza has been around for so long she is a fixture in our celebrity list. Just like that hairy rocker, Fareed Khimani of X-FM.Joey Muthengi — The lass has the ‘look’, you know, that skin hue, the voice and the brazen behaviour that qualify for Kenyan ‘celeb-hood’.STL — She has had quite the year in Norway, from being threatened by a racist terrorist to the demise of her dad after a hit and run accident. Still, STL shows the most potential of being our first ‘world’ artiste.MC Alemba — Because Pius C, our paparazzi, said so, having taken so many photos of this MCee.Avril — Controversial, smart as a whip and dually talented, no list of Kenyan celebrities is complete without the name ‘Avril Nyambura’.Just a Band — They are not just a band in the land. A while back, they waved a magic wand, and the gates to ‘Celebville’ slid open.Wanuri Kahiu —She is the most prolific cinematographer around.Budda Blaze — Where there is smoke there’s a fire, and where ‘things’ are happening, there’s Blaze.Tanya — You just cannot escape her face whether on TV plays, ads, and billboards.Nikki — Sheila Mwanyiga is another long term celebrity on our list, being that rare diva who hosts shows, including radio, does music videos and is an all rounded triple threat.Kendi — She looks like eye candy and Pulsers cannot have enough of this young lady.Camp Mulla — They are the hottest band to emerge into Celebville, with a real swag about them, and the resources to take the musical scene ‘tsunamically’.Lupita Nyongo — This talented film-maker isn’t just a celeb because of her famous dad, but due to her real life hard work in the arts.Anto Neo-Soul — Soulful voice to go with soulful eyes, a dandyish fop to his dressing style, we daresay a ‘celeb is in da house’.Fidel Odinga — Power is like a cologne called ‘Celebrity’ and the scion of the Prime Minister has it in spades.Prezzo — The man who brought the ‘G’ to the litter of celebrity here, and so gave it glitter, is making a comeback, including a memoir.Marya — No show is complete today if Miss Marya has not taken to the stage.Oliech — Denno is no more a menace, but he is one of the brightest lights on the celebrity circle.Kate Kibugi — The lithe and supple dancer is in the Guinness Book of Records. That’s the stuff celebrity is made off!Sonko — Love him or hate him (mostly, hate him), the Makadara MP does antics that draw the media to him like moths to a lamp-post (look out, he is now punching the lamp post).Kenzo — We may never have seen his eyes, but this boy and his guitar are like the clichÈ of some cheap celebrity.Ali Kiba — Down at the Coast people say Bantu is the real celeb, but up here, we all know Ali Kiba ndio mambo yote.Mariga — More chini ya maji than Denno, Mariga is nevertheless a celeb in the sense of the word, from all the cheddar gained from playing in Inter, Real Sociedad and back to Lazio. Rabbit — He came into celebrity like the proverbial rabbit out of a hat!Mbusi — For as long as Gidigidi’s Ghetto Radio is there, and hakuna mbrrrr-cchaa remains in the common parlance, this goat is firmly tethered to the celebrity wagon.Man Rapho — Tuju, due to his POA party, his insistence on ‘youth appeal’ and appearances in so many youth events is now more celebrity than a presidential candidate.Cliff Ombeta — This criminal lawyer is like the ‘Perry Mason’ of Kenya.Leakey Odera — Where there are girls galore and a cool event organiser, the man behind the faces and action will always enjoy celebrity stature.Big Ted — Larger than life and a stage fixture, Big Ted is a given celebrity. So too is Big Kev.Jaguar — Jewellery, a Beamer, wads of cash and publicised acts of philanthropy, before even the hit song, and Jaguar qualifies as a top celeb.Shaffie — The word ‘celebrity’ was a coat made for Shaffie Weru. Famous for being famous even before he was famous, you could cut and paste this dude next to the word ‘celeb’.Caroline Mutoko — Can you list three local top radio queens without mentioning her?Maina Kageni — Some folks’ names are already so laden with the loaded nine letter word ...Mustapha — Other than his musical prowess, his fall-outs with his partners, Nasty Thomas (professional) and Marya (personal) have kept the Colonel’s life an on-going soap opera, yea.P-Unit — This triumvirate of enfants terrible have carved out a three-piece suit niche for themselves in the hood called ‘Celebville’.BMF — Gifted group, and very good residents of ‘Celebville’.Jimmy Gait — He entered the gate of Celebville quite a while ago. And is still happily doing the Furi Furi dance there in the hood, beside that gaily-coloured kiosk.Jimmi Gathu — He built a house in Celebville while it was all wilderness, mesquite and mosquitoes. Now he is so senile in there, he sometimes hides in the neighbours’ closets, to surprise them ‘in delicto’ from time to time.DJ Mo and DJ Kamjo — Need we say more? Maybe. But moving on ...Nonini — He has been in the game for yonks, and continually changes his artistic approach. Herbo ni celeb.Rufftone — Since he pops up so many times in clubs and concerts, he is one of those ubiquitous celebrities.The Rimbui Brothers — They do, and keep doing, a lot on the musical and social scene, so they are celebrities.DJ CK — He is in his own league — literally.Octopizzo — For sure as the sun rises in the East, this gifted feller has the look of local celeb-dom.Big Pin and Pilipili — Patricia Kihoro and Laura Walubengo — If you go to a supposedly happening scene, and none of these two are there; you probably took the wrong turn. Muthoni the Drummer Queen — She has the knack to revolutionaries in how we see videos, hear music and mingle, even among some tacky socialites of the ‘see and be seen’ garden variety.Collo — The little fellow punches way above his weight in talent, and is always where the action is.Hellon — Timberlake may have brought hell on Nimrod’s earth, but any man who can dominate deadlines like that, and still play jazz, is a celeb.Mongolo — Don’t you say ‘uongo!’Kriss Darling — He may not be a darling to many like Redsan, that other celebrity, but he is a celeb in his own right.Cartel — Of late you can tell, he is quite a comfortable citizen in the celebrity circle.Bamzigi and Nazizi — Just because they must be there.Wyre — Whether on billboards or in the studio, this quiet wire is always pulling strings to intensify his celebrity density.French Boy — This rasta man arrived in the ‘Celebville’ estate the day he joined hands with the hot Moto Moto diva, Ray C.DJ Pinye — He is such a veteran in the industry of fame that he teaches other celebz how to spin in ‘Old Skool’.Jua Cali — Like, really? Even as the world (ok, Pulsers) wait for him to chomoa the next album, pia single ni poa, he’s up there.G-Kon — Is it a con to say this ‘mon’ be a celeb, hon?Emmy Kosgei — She will never win an Emmy Award, but when it comes to celebrity recognition, even the President has awarded her – Elder of the Burning Microphone ... so drop it like it’s hot, Emmy.Kriss Mmm Baba — The young man, who is also a publicity hound, wants it so bad he can stalk you. Well done.Abbass — Alitokelezea zamani za kale, and so kare are his rhymes, and so rough the rhythm of his life; he’s the real gangsta at the street corner of ‘Celebville’.Sauti Sol — So long anonymity, hello fame!Madtraxx — He’s the one rapper keeping the ‘feel good’ feeling going on and the real deal when it comes to what a celeb should act like (itaaaa waiter ... ita waiter!).Victor Mbuvi — This comical gospel singer and all round nice guy wears celebrity like a halo.Vanika — She sounds and looks like vanilla on underwear. But we have asked the watchie at the gate to let her into ‘Celebville’.

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