By Jennifer Karina
Have you heard of suffocating love? This is where a person wants to do everything for their partner and spend all their time together.
There are many people who feel suffocated in their relationships and although they love their partners, they are extremely unhappy. But what is wrong with this kind of love?
Here is the problem: No matter how much one may be in love, they require their personal time and space. Physical and emotional space is a basic human need. When an individual requires their partner to fulfil their needs by being in their company all the time, the relationship is set up for disappointment and challenge. Your partner may be your best friend, but having a variety of friends is important for an individual to grow socially and spiritually. Participating in a variety of activities with different persons makes you well-rounded and gives you substance to talk about with your partner.
Listen to Joy’s frustration: “I love my partner, but he is so clingy I am suffocating in the relationship. I enjoy spending time with him, but I like time alone to unwind and do what I enjoy doing in my space. I can’t do anything without him feeling left out or wanting to tag along even when he is not welcome. He feels insecure and always questions me about anyone who seems close to me. I love him, but he is suffocating me. When I ask for space, he gets so offended and complains that I do not love him enough to include him. I keep wondering how I can get my space without offending him.”
Joy’s husband is an example of over-protective and controlling partners. Such husbands won’t allow their wives to make any decisions, or be by themselves. They do not want them to discover things for themselves, with the simple excuse that they do not want them to get hurt. Ultimately, they slowly kill all their creativity by not allowing them make mistakes and grow.
Such husbands are generous, loving and affectionate. They do not exhibit their possessive tendencies with everyone they care for. It is only special people in their lives who become recipients of this harmful love. They do not realise that this kind of love suffocates their loved ones.
The following tips may help those in such relationships.
Choose your words:
Clearly communicate your feelings on issues at hand. Be candid, open, objective, kind and do not make a big deal out of the situation. Explain your temperament, personality and talk from the point of “I” and not “You”. Let your partner know that it has everything to do with yourself and not them and that it does not change how you feel about them.
Recognise your partner’s needs
Some partners assume they should have similar needs and desires, and when one partner’s needs differ, they may feel unloved. It is, therefore, important that you recognise your differences and acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with being different. As a matter of fact, differences bring about diversity and strength.
