When your teenage daughter or son rebels, the teenager is crying out for recognition of her/his individuality, writes JOHN MUTURI
Many parents perceive teenage rebellion, which is resistance or rejection of authority or control as a negative experience. Not necessarily, for instance, if your child never resisted or rejected your control, she or he may remain under your authority forever.
During the teen years, the emerging adult begins to detach herself from her parents’ values, ideas and controls and attempts to establish her own. In this sense, it is a positive process where one establishes their individuality, code of ethics, values, ideas and beliefs.
Through rebellion, the teenager is crying out for recognition of her individuality. She is asking you to no longer consider her your property, but nonetheless she remains your responsibility.
She is attempting to find out who she is (identity), what she believes, and what she stands for. You must appreciate that her reaction is not personal but normal.
Normal rebellion
Normal rebellion leads the adolescent to a mature life. This constructive period assists her shed childish ways and develop independence.
Understand that she remains a novice in coping with her feelings as well as your feelings and reactions.
Your teenager’s mood swings may frustrate you. Sometimes she behaves as though she is ‘up there,’ from where she obtains an eagle’s view of life and all its dazzling magnificence.
Next minute, she may plunge into the abyss of despair and hopeless despondency. The maturity of your actions and reactions will help her recognise that life is ten per cent what happens to a person and 90 per cent how she reacts to it.
Your teenager might challenge your authority by talking back to you, arguing, testing rules and curfews, and rejecting long-established family values.
She will extend the same challenge to authority through the clothes she wears and the music she listens to. Many teenagers will experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex.
To a great extent, your reaction will determine whether rebellion will remain within the confines of ‘normal’ or abnormal. Your continued control will plant the seeds of insurrection but if you’re patient while your child is finding herself, you will not destroy your relationship.
Abnormal rebellion
Abnormal rebellion involves a total refusal to cooperate in family or social responsibilities. She refuses to abide by reasonable household rules, ignores curfews, habitually experiments with alcohol, drugs, or sex and so forth.
