By Shirley Genga

I will never forget watching with baited breadth as Angela Basset, who plays Bernadine in Waiting To Exhale, set her good for nothing ex-husband’s (who left her for another woman) clothes, shoes and car on fire.

    I remember cheering as Bassett defiantly strutted away, cigarette in hand, leaving her ex’s car and clothes burning in the background.

Fantacy

 I was a wee little girl. I did not understand relationships or love, but I knew Angela’s husband had done her wrong and deserved to pay. That epic scene still makes me shiver. Wow!

   But wait; let us evaluate Angela’s actions for a minute. The scene was fantasy for the movies it but has no place in the real world.

   Granted, her ex deserved it. After all, he left her for another woman. But in the real world, instead of majestically walking away from her ex’s burning car in slow motion, Bassett would have been dragged off to jail.

     It is true. Break-ups are never fun. You may be the one at fault, or not, but when it is time to bring a relationship to an end, it is always best to take the highroad and to exercise class and decorum.   

   The above applies both for the dumper (the person doing the dumping) and the dumpee (the person being dumped).

Revenge

 Often times, rules are laid out on how the dumper should act. Unfortunately, the dumpee on the other hand, is often left unsupervised.

   The dumpee is often seen as the unsuspecting victim and thus left to do just about anything in the name of revenge, which in my book is just plain old wrong.

   It is not okay to call your ex’s new catch to abuse him or her.  It is not okay to make the highlight of your day sending hateful Facebook messages to your ex. It is also not okay to physically stalk an ex. If you must know what your ex is up to since you broke up, indulge in Facebook stalking like normal people. It is more discrete, and at least you get to keep your self-respect.

Basically, a dumpee’s rule of thumb when it comes to break-up decorum is simple: do not go psycho. So yes, acid throwing and house fires are out.

In line with taking the high road when breaking up, the dumper is equally required to be considerate of the person who is being dumped.

Rude

First off all, there is no need to be rude or cruel when ending a relationship. Do not break up with someone by e-mail, text or, worse, Facebook. Do it in person.

When you break up with someone, it is only courteous to let the person know that they have been dumped.

There are men who can charm the undies off any woman within five feet, but for some reason, they shrink cowardly at the thought of telling a woman, who is probably half their size, that a relationship is over.  

   Lastly, avoid that rubbish about ‘my ex is still my best friend’ and move on.