The Village Wire with Man Man

It is hard to understand the people of Kimbilili. Before the last elections, they vowed not to re-elect Mheshimiwa Pora Mali to Parliament. The same talk is doing rounds now.

The residents of the grossly underdeveloped constituency say they won’t vote for Pora Mali — ever again.

They say Mkombozi, the former high school principal, is the man they have been waiting for. But every time I tell them Mkombozi is running for the parliamentary post and not for the governorship like Pora Mali, they won’t listen. I say wait till the real campaigns start, then it might just hit them they will be stuck with Pora Mali again for another five years.

This is the reason I am having difficulty trying to find what one may call true Pora Mali’s supporters not only in Kimbilili County, but even in Mambo Moto village, his birth place and home, to take to Nairobi.

Reason for apathy

Besides Pascal — the village storyteller — and me, no one in the village can claim to have benefitted from Pora Mali’s leadership.

He is not one for tangible development, so you can understand why.

All he cares about is stuffing his ever expanding abdomen and satisfying his celebrated bodily urges.

By the last count Pora Mali had four mistresses, all living in furnished apartments in the city. He also has a string of college girls at his beck and call.

To top it all, the number of illegitimate children linked to him  keeps growing.

Luckily for his legit children, they adopted their mother’s graceful looks. The girls especially are attractive and should they wish, they can compete for the crown of Miss Kenya. They also have their mother’s brains and have all gone to the university. The last born — a beautiful girl I have had a crush on since she was in high school — is expected to graduate this year.

Most of Pora Mali’s illegitimate children are, however, not so lucky and you can tell from a mile away that they are the products of their mothers’ illicit relationships with MP. A few of them are lucky  since he is paying school fees.

A few years ago, there was drama when one woman, who claimed to have sired a baby with the MP, reported him to the Children Services Department in Kimbilili District for refusing to support the child. Pora Mali swore to me that the woman was lying.

Indeed one look at the baby did not reveal Pora Mali’s poor looks.

Pora Mali was not going to take it lying down and he bribed the entire children services department, who in turn demanded the baby’s DNA be ascertained. They shipped the mother and the baby to Nairobi where DNA tests indeed proved the baby was not Pora Mali’s.

Almost in trouble

The woman later admitted to lying, saying that although she had ‘liaisons’ with the MP, the child was born a year before the two had met. She confessed hers was a ploy to extract money from the MP.

I didn’t see anything wrong with what the woman was doing, but I had to advice her that when it came to babies, men are also aware about the time, so it is best to fool them nine months after the hanky-panky.

You should have seen Pora Mali after the incident. He was walking around like he was some kind of a saint.

He threw a party at Maili Sita town and whispered that from then on, he would be careful what village girl he hooks up with. I doubt he even believed himself when he said this. For Pora Mali, when it comes to women, choosing evidently is a luxury he cannot afford.

Not that I mean to demean my benefactor, but by looks, Pora Mali is a hideous man. Luckily for him his money talks and this is how he managed to bag himself one of the beautiful women in Kimbilili.

Mrs Pora Mali, the high school principal was immediately hitched to him after she started her teaching job. I hear her family asked for the most outrageous amount of dowry ever... and it was paid with a wave of a hand.

Pora Mali was not an MP then, but a businessman of high standing. He had already bought himself a lorry and two tractors, which the villagers hired for their transportation and farming needs.

He owns several rental houses and business complexes in Maili Sita and Kimbilili towns. What he lacks in looks, he has made up for it in the ability to amass wealth.

Now you know where Kimbilili Constituency Development Fund money goes. It goes to his high maintenance consorts. As I have told you, I am also one of the recipients of the CDF cash.

So yeah, it had to come to this. I had to put Barasa, the village thief, in the delegation that is going to Nairobi to see Mheshimiwa Pora Mali. That says a lot about Pora Mali, doesn’t it?

Having been an MP for the last ten years means zilch for the people of Kimbilili. How I wish all his illegitimate children were old enough to vote, maybe then my work would have been a lot easier.

But trust me, I am sure he will still be the first Kimbilili Governor.