Jennifer Karina
Good sex takes effort and creativity and every couple is unique in their style and desires, and levels of fulfillment. While their chemistry has a great play in their sex life, health, age and lifestyles plays a major role in the fulfillment.
Our busy lives and high levels of stress takes a toll on this precious God-given gift that is so magical, precious and priceless resulting to damaged egos and dysfunctional relationships.
Hot and steamy
No matter the age of a couple when they begin their marriage journey, their relationship is filled with an electrifying passion, and the Greeks call it eros, the romantic love.
It is an exciting journey of discovery of both physical and emotional connection, which makes them do their best to fulfill both their desires and that of their partners.
Sexual energies at this stage are at their peak. However, soon they run out of the energy and reality knocks on the door! This is not unusual and many other couples go through this stage or will inevitably experience it at some point in their relationship.
Both the print and electronic media depict sex as hot and steamy, wild and fascinating and a great leap to fantasy. Peers too have a way of exaggerating as they stretch their imagination and colour their worldview of sex with great imagery and fantasy and this does not help either.
It actually creates an idealistic view of expectations that are impossible to fulfill.
It may help to understand that relationships evolve and do go through certain defined stages.
The first stage of marriage – dream/romantic stage
In time, the electrifying passionate feeling wears off. Sexual energies lessen to give way to energies for other responsibilities.
When this happens, many couples assume that something has gone wrong and their relationship no longer works. They think that they are no longer in love with their partner because they do not feel the fire anymore.
This is not necessarily the case; it actually means that the relationship has graduated to another level where responsibilities automatically push you to the next level of the relationship;
Drama/disappointment
At this stage, disappointment, loneliness, regret and other similar feelings associated with settling down are common, resulting to low sexual energies.
Sex may become routine and not as enjoyable as it once was. Children already born or expected and increased responsibilities can give rise to all manner of reactions.
Because of the challenges, it is common for partners to reach out to past lovers at this point, opening the door to infidelity.
This does not have to be the case, it is helpful to bear in mind that the relationship is growing and it takes conscious effort to work towards growing and thriving!
Tips
• Acknowledge that relationships are not static and growth is inevitable.
•Purpose to work on your relationship by understanding your partners needs.
•Have a weekly scheduled sex date and warm up to it, change venue occasionally.
• Purpose to surprise your partner with new energy and enthusiasm.
• Do not criticise your partner no matter what.
• Practice love in action.
• Enjoy your God-given gift ...live love and thrive!
The writer is the author Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on:
www.jenniekarina.co.ke
