By Edward Indakwa
Let’s begin with good news. Police officers in Kitale who arrested two suspects with hand grenades destined for a Church in Nairobi must be lauded.
We don’t care whether members of the public tipped them off. They must be ordered to report to Vigilance House at once for a nice photograph and a hefty upward jolt on their pay slips.
Rarely do we have the police nabbing crooks before mayhem is unleashed. Those ‘boys’ have, therefore, saved us the agony of leaving no stone unturned long after a savage blast and the loss of lives, blood and tears. Kudos.
Now to mundane stuff: let’s ignore the fact that it took us nearly three weeks to procure a container worth Sh70,000 to cart away the remains of the helicopter that ended the lives of a senior Minister of Government, his deputy and four police officers.
It is understandable. Government procurement is a minefield. Who knows which Pandora’s box we would have opened had we hurriedly purchased a plastic container from Gikomba from the lowest bidder?
I say this because while the Independent Electoral and Boundaries Commission is being accused of not settling for the lowest bidder; the Police Department is being roasted for just that in regard to the police chopper that killed Prof George Saitoti and company.
Often times, the moment it is reported that the lowest bidder was passed over, the whole country, edged on by the media, erupt in a mighty scream, yelling, “See? Corruption!”
But the truth is that most times, the lowest bidder can’t deliver. They are often a briefcase outfit assembled with insider knowledge to win a Government tender. Either that or they are hopelessly incompetent and have no idea what the scope of work entails.
That is why after we award them the tender; they discover six months down the line that they are grossly under quoted. The work stalls and they start demanding more money.
So when a project that was awarded say Sh600,000 million finally gobbles up Sh9.2 million, the public, again edged on by the media, erupt in a mighty scream, yelling, “See? Corruption!”
What is this fascination with the lowest bidder when everyone knows that cheap is expensive crap?
We take our children to the best schools that we can afford, not the cheapest hovel in the neighbourhood. We buy the finest clothes that we can afford, not the cheapest rag at the market.
Of course we hire the best employee that we can afford, not the chap who agrees to a salary six times beneath market rates because no one else wants him.
When we are marrying off our daughters, we demand the most handsome bride with the highest number of goats in bride price.
And yet when it comes to buying a Government helicopter or a ferry, building a road or repairing bridge — we insist on the lowest bidder. And then we get outraged when we end up with third-rate goods and services!
A thought for elephants and old, bad ways
I have been reading Dr Richard Leakey’s Wildlife Wars — a chronicle of the anthropologist’s time at the helm of the Wildlife Conservation and Management Department, later KWS. The thrill was not just about reading about people and events with which one is familiar, but little anecdotes that one would never have imagined. I was horrified to learn that Dr Leakey lost his kidneys because of a throat infection. It was scary because I was in the throes of tonsillitis, which the barman had just ‘treated’ with a stiff brandy seasoned with a wrinkled piece of lemon and sugary syrup masquerading as honey.
But I was tickled that young Leakey’s pastime was riding furiously into the bush on horseback and slapping black rhinos on the rump. Oh, the pleasures and follies of youth! Seriously, though, Dr Leakey writes of the late 1980s — a period not too far in our past. Poachers were all over the place, robbing tourists and slaying rangers, policemen and elephants at will. He describes a department riddled with corruption where many rangers and wardens were making a kill shooting elephants for ivory — perhaps in cahoots with senior people in Government. So dire was lack of resources that rangers didn’t have boots, he recalls. He talks about ‘our people’ and ‘our wildlife’ even as he describes being fought by politicians who wanted a piece of the pie labelling him a ‘racist’ and ‘tribalist’. Sadly, unlike Miguna Miguna, he doesn’t name Government officials who were itching to grab the Nairobi National Park.
With dispiriting reports that some rangers could be involved in a new wave of elephant poaching, it is important to reflect on how far we have come and why we ought to never, ever go back to the bad, old ways.
Bits and pieces
Olympics in Nairobi drama
I couldn’t help noticing that the Mayor of London has been in the thick of things as his city prepares to serve the world a sweaty dish of young virile athletes burning fat for gold. For a moment, I imagined that Olympics were in Nairobi, with our lethal City Council of Nairobi askaris providing security.
I thought of all the hawkers, street children and hookers who would be rounded up in a major crackdown and sent out of the city with firm orders to keep off amid violent stone throwing protests by Nairobi City Governor, Hon Ferdinand Waititu. Scams would be inevitable: land set aside for the Olympic Village turning out to be a soggy swamp 10 times its real value. Buses meant to transport athletes would vanish between the Port of Mombasa and Nairobi and resurface later as matatus on the Dandora route.Meanwhile, my kinsman and benga superstar Sukuma Bin Ongaro would belt out his hit song Abana baimalila emioko before global leaders. Three years later, he would still be chasing his dues.
Murderers are having a field day
Four traffic police officers were arrested by anti-corruption officials in a sting operation beamed live via television to every living room in Kenya. The camera filmed the officers pocketing money and getting arrested. One female officer even pulled a ‘Pamela Jelimo’ into the bush before she was wrestled down wailing her head off. That was over two years ago. Well, the court reached a verdict recently and set the four officers free because the State did not prove its case. Now, if we can’t successfully prosecute a crime committed live on national television, then murderers must be having a field day.
Tanzanians can’t stand us!
A rumour doing the rounds has it that Tanzanians set fire to their end of the bush to prevent wildebeests in Maasai Mara from engaging in their foolhardy annual migration across the Mara River to Serengeti.
Tanzanians hate us. They can’t stand us. Not too long ago, they stopped our truck drivers from crossing into their country without paying some phony tariff in contravention of the spirit of the East African Cooperation. Now that they don’t want our wildebeests, what will they do next? Stone our President?
Our lives are like steeplechase
Kenyans should not be winning the steeplechase. We jump over those barriers roughly and spend more energy than whites with their efficient and elegant hurdling technique. Yet we beat them all the time.It is not a miracle. In Kenya, most systems — transport, law enforcement, judicial, education, agriculture, politics, urban planning, health, you name it – are grossly inefficient.
We don’t stroll through life because it’s a jungle out here. We run, hopping over barriers put in place by State corruption, inefficiency and our collective bad manners and selfishness. Yes, our lives are one long, miserable steeplechase.
Real miracles happen atdoctor’s
My favourite radio preacher was at it again. As usual, he was screaming at brethren that miracles were afoot. Even those with sexually transmitted diseases would be healed, he thundered. There was, however, the small matter of investing in a dollop of anointing oil, planting seed and kissing the pastor’s feet – you know the drill.
I am singularly unqualified to speak on such matters because preaching is a deep, philosophical calling, way beyond the comprehension of a simple and sinful mind like mine. Still, if you have an STD, I strongly advice that you hold an urgent meeting with your doctor – not a fire spitting preacher.
