By ANTHONY KAGIRI
Technology is changing the way we do things and this modernity bug has also struck love.
We used to find love in social places such as church, weddings, parties or at work, but now people are finding it online.
Take for example James and Jane Kareu who got married in April. Theirs was a unique wedding having met and dated for sometime on Facebook. The two who are committed Christians choose not to reveal their identity given the stigmatisation their meeting would attract in their church.
“I found Jane’s profile and sent her a friend request, which she accepted. We started chatting and I found her interesting to talk to. Slowly we started connecting,” says James of their meeting.
Social media avenues such as Facebook and Twitter have become easy places to meet people, almost effortlessly. As you work, the necessary distraction that is social media provides you the perfect opportunity of finding people. Pop ups of ‘people you may know’ easily lure and their attractive photos add to the temptation. Dating sites and hook-ups over the radio are also becoming popular ways of finding love. However, this new avenues have numerous risks and have brought pain to some people.
Take Daniela Wafula, for example. She received a friend request from this handsome looking man (according to his Facebook profile picture). Their online friendship blossomed pretty fast and a few weeks down the line, the guy who lived in a different town, was insisting on visiting her.
“He had a way with words and I couldn’t help falling for him, even though I hadn’t met him. Although I was nervous, I was looking forward to meeting the charming prince,” says Daniela.
The meeting would, however, turn tragic as the person who came was very different from the man she had seen on Facebook.
“He looked totally different from the model-like photos on Facebook and looked twice in age,” says a heartbroken Daniela adding that she no longer accepts Facebook friend requests from strangers.
Dangers
The first danger of meeting people online and falling for them is that you are never sure what they portray online is their true self. Online dating exposes one to the?looks of people rather than the deeper traits, which are sure foundation for love.
Deb Levine, a relationship coach advises that online platforms should only provide the initial contact and one should not make a decision based on this. She advises those who meet potential lovers online to relate offline.
“My suggestions to individuals who are looking for love online is to use the Internet to explore an intimate attraction then take it offline in order to get a concrete idea of the person’s attitudes and behaviours,” she says.
Entertaining thoughts of love with a charming online acquaintance is like betting on an investment you have just seen on a picture, but know little about. One needs to take it slow and let a friendship grow before falling in love.
Professor Aaron Ben-Ze’ev, author of the book ‘Love Online’ says that engaging in normal conversations is one way of getting to know someone a little more before a physical meeting.
“People cannot lie about constitutive personal features, such as a sense of humour, wittiness, and personal interests, all of which emerge during lengthy online conversations,” he says.
It is such lengthy conversations that helped James and Jane grow their friendship prior to meeting each other.
“Before meeting him, I had to be sure of his genuineness. We kept chatting for some time talking about anything and everything, making sure the conversation never went too personal,” says Jane.
James adds that while he liked Jane, he didn’t allow himself to fall in love till they met physically and known each for some time. After a while, the two started meeting and from this grew their love.
“Facebook helped us meet, but our love grew from relating one on one,” he says.
Besides being duped by bogus profiles on the social networks, the other danger of social media and dating sites is falling for people who are just after fun. Cases such as flirting and cybersex are common online.
“Online meeting provides proximity, which is a good recipe for infatuations,” says Ms Levine.
Relationship experts advise that those people interested in flirting and cybersex are easily identifiable as they tend to want to get into personal conversation too soon. Their first remarks are all about your physical appearance especially and will veer off into sex-oriented conversations too soon.
When it comes to meeting people online, wisdom is avoiding falling in love with his/her photo and charming updates because that might not be the real person. Whereas there are people who have met their love online, many others have been duped. It is therefore advisable to be extra careful if you find yourself on that path.
