By PETER KAMURI

It is scarcely two years since Lyn and Bob (not their real names) got married. On one hand, Lyn can no longer trust her husband as she suspects him of infidelity and disloyalty. She now feels insecure and her mind is already poisoned.

On the other hand, Bob feels unhappy as his wife is always picking faults on him. She is highly intolerant and too keen to remember all the bad things he does. This has created tensions in the way they relate and it’s rocking their relationship. Bob has another grouse about his wife.

“She does not take time to listen to me and shows minimal respect to any of my opinions,” he says.

Bob now finds this to be too tough to tolerate and it may just be the time for a permanent solution to be sought.

What Lyn and Bob are going through is not unusual in relationships. When problems rock relationships, it can be a source of stress and unhappiness to both couples and solutions must be sought expediently.

Jessica Kamau, a family counsellor says every person wants to have a committed and satisfying relationship. However, breakdown of a relationship can create feelings of annoyance, sorrow and loneliness. Such occurrence can make one-experience mental problems, poor physical health, and reduced productivity at work.

 

SEEKING HEALING

“Unfortunately, there are no quick-fix solutions to relationship problems. However, there may come a time when it may be important for one or both parties involved to look for some space and get a break from each other. When this is well-planned, it can help a relationship get out of the woods,” observes Kamau.

She advises, “If your relationship is having a problem, it may be the time to take a break and see if the healing process will be accelerated. However, taking time apart from each other should not be a way of running away from the real problems.”

“Instead, taking a break should be an opportunity for an individual to rediscover himself or herself. A healthy relationship is about give and take. One partner has to let go and compromise their differences. This can mark the start of the healing process,” she adds.

Kamau counsels further, “Remember, you need to be whole as an individual first in order to be whole together as a couple.”

Taking time apart is the best option if one or both of you feel you need to get back in touch with your individuality.”

Taking some time apart may also give you a chance to evaluate how you can reconcile the new plans you have for your life with your current relationship. Perhaps, the goals you had earlier set have shifted and you may want to chat a new life and approach to life altogether.

Kamau cautions, “However, as you plan to put on hold your relationship, you must think of a realistic period that will help you explore your relationship.

“Taking too long can hurt the wobbly relationship further rather than lead it to a healing path.”

During the time you will be apart, she says, you can mutually agree the kind of contact you will retain. How long will you be away from each other? How frequently will you be contacting each other? Will you be having physical contacts or will it be communication over the phone? Or is it going to be zero contact?” says Kamau.

“Although taking time apart should be the last thing one should contemplate in a relationship, it can be used to help a relationship build a better bond as one can use the period to reflect.

“If you fear taking a break, staying on may just be a sure way of losing a relationship,” concludes Kamau.