By Njoki Karuoya
I’m still always surprised at how an adult can assault a child and not feel guilty. Or maybe they do but don’t show the guilt.
Whatever the case, rape always demoralises the victim. The feelings of shame, of being unworthy and dirty are just some of the feelings and emotions that rape and sodom victims go through.
It is a very difficult and painful process to move from victim to survivor, but with lots of help, one can overcome these feelings of shame and appreciate that they were not at fault, but the aggressor was.
Today I want to discuss ways that young ladies can practice to safeguard against sex pests:
1.Sadly, statistics indicate that rapists are usually people who are known to us, such as older brothers, cousins, uncles, male in-laws, father’s friends, neighbours, brother’s friends, and so on. Because you will never tell he is a sex pest until he begins to talk to you suggestively, never allow a conversation that begins in this way to go on.
As soon as a relative or close male friend talks to you or touches you in a seductive or suggestive way, stop them, even if they say they are joking —this is one method that sex pests use to cover their evil intentions. They pretend they are being nice and look offended when you take it wrongly, and they even look hurt or act like that’s the last thing on their mind, when it is their first. In essence, the guy is testing you while laying the ground for such talk and touch to become kawa, when they shouldn’t.
Should any of them touch you indiscreetly or give you lurid suggestions (which is sexual harassment by the way), report them to your parents, guardians, older siblings, neighbours, teachers, grandparents, aunts or any other female elder or friend that you trust immediately.
Let that sex pest know that someone else besides you knows of their repulsive behaviour. Should they laugh off your concern, don’t be embarrassed. When other people are alerted to the sex pest’s behaviour prior to, say, the brutal act itself, it will be easier to prosecute because you had told people earlier about the rapist’s lewd behaviour. Don’t wait until his behaviour or ‘jokes’ get out of hand.
2. If you are alone in the house or your dorm in college, always keep the doors locked.? Talk to all male visitors that you don’t know or trust behind the safety of the closed door. Don’t open the door even for innocent requests such as a glass of water or to wait for the person they came to visit. Never leave duplicates of house or room keys in places where other people can get them because they too, can make duplicates of your house keys and use them when they want to.
3. Never give out information to strangers about where you live, with whom, what they do, where they do it, how often they can be found at home and so on because you are just laying out a schedule for a sex pest to know when best to attack
4. Never tolerate obscene phone calls. Should the calls continue, report the incident to the phone company or network and to the police so the caller can be traced and arrested.
5. When walking on the streets, always be aware of your surroundings and trust your instincts. Deal with catcalls, unwanted comments, or requests by walking away.
6. If you are dressed provocatively, avoid walking on crowded streets. Yes, you have the right to wear whatever you want, whenever you want, but this right will mean nothing to you when a crowd of wrong-thinking men strip you naked and defile you publicly.
7. Always carry a flashlight when it is dark and avoid poorly lit streets, alleys, vacant lots, paths with overgrown shrubbery and parking areas at all times. When walking, avoid carrying large, bulky bags that make it hard for you to move quickly in case of an attack.
8. If you use matatus to get home after dark, always wait for them in well-lit areas. When you get into a matatu, look around at the people inside to ensure that you are safe. Should you get into one that only has men who look suspicious, get out and wait for another one. You would rather be safe than sorry.
9. Sometimes, despite taking these measures, you might still be attacked. Try to fight for your dignity and your life. Go for the eyes and try to gouge them out, smash your attacker’s nose or Adam’s apple, kick his knee, smash his instep and viciously kick or grab his groin. All these are bound to surprise your attacker and slow him down. When you get the chance, run for your life, screaming for help and attracting as much attention as you can… unless he has a gun.
10. As painful as rape is, you can, with medical and psychosocial help, survive it. You are no good dead so should the horrible ordeal happen, try and identify a mark or feature that will help you identify the rapist later when you report the crime to the police.
