The Twitter Titans

By Sheila Kimani

Rama aka Ramadhani Oluoch @__RamzZy_

Pulse: What do you think of Joe Muchiri’s handle @JoeWMuchiri?

@RamzZy: It’s been on for too long. Come-on, even ugly cartoons change clothes.

P: If you were to get him a new handle it would be?

R: That would be @Kiroboto! He is the human version of a giant killer tick.

P: Who is funnier or cooler between the two of you and why?

R: Joe is as funny as stale bread. So I win.

P: If you were to choose a career for Joe, it would be?

R: Joe anakaa kama butcher from Githurai. Kwanza vile anapenda mutura (in fact, they way he loves mutura).

P: What annoying habit would you give Joe a Grammy for?

R: His crazy obsession with Arsenal. One day he’ll probably marry the club.

P: If you woke up as Joe, what would you change?

R: Vile hairline yake huwa missing! Ningebuy Sulphur 8 ndio nywele imee (I would buy Sulphur 8 to grow my hair)

P: What trend do you think would send Joe hiding from twitter?

R: JoeMuchiri+LebronJamesHairlinesCan....because hawanaga nywele.

P: If you were a high school captain, what punishment would you give Joe?

R: Making him wear his boxers over his trousers during a weekend party night.

P: What pick-up lines would he use on a chic?

R: Joe is too lame for pick-ups. He’ll just say ‘Ayeeeeee’ in excitement.

P: If he was a car, what make would he probably be?

R: Forget a car, he would make an old Tuk Tuk.

P: What can you do that Joe might never be able to do?

R: If we were to climb stairs to save our lives, I would survive but Joe is too heavy to climb, so he would die trying.

Joe Muchiri @JoeWMuchiri

Pulse: What do you think of Ramadhani Oluoch handle @__RamzZy__?

Joe: His handle is too weak. It even requires sticks to stay straight. Na hizo ma-underscores jo! Hapa hatuchezi the sticks game (It’s not like we are playing the sticks game).

P: If you were to get Rama a new handle it would be?

J: @\__RamzZy__/ ndio alale hapo pia aki choka (so that he can lie down, if he gets tired)

P: Who is funnier or cooler between the two of you?

J: Me! He just thinks he is cooler because he has two fake personalities. Hiyo afro yake inamdanganyaga sana.

P: What annoying habit would you give Rama a Grammy for?

J: He ‘spits’ kushinda ma-emcees yet he never brushes. Actually, we should get him a mouth guard.

P: If you woke up as Rama what would you change?

J: Everything.

P: What is the worst trend he ever started?

J: #HowToRockPinkAndLookBetterThanAGirl. Ilikuwa down tu sana.

P: What trend do you think would send Rama hiding from Twitter?

J: #RamasExgirlfriends... They’d all come back from the past.

P: What pick-up lines would he use on a chic?

J: Hi babe, remember that margarine brand called ‘Rama’? Yeah? Guess what, I’m the smoother version... Hehehe!

P: If Rama was a car he would probably be a?

J: Vitz of-course so that akimaliziwa (after use) he gets folded and put in a purse.

P: If you were to choose a career for Rama, it would be?

J: A shoe shiner’s business, because he can do it while standing bila stress.

P: What can you do that Rama might never be able to do?

J: Make his girlfriend the happiest lass on earth...

P: What’s that punch line that would give Rama a knock out?

J: Rama ni lightweight mpaka akimeza mate ana anguka. (He is such a lightweight that when he swallows saliva, he collapses under the weight)