By Njoki Karuoya
Girl sees boy. Girl is attracted to boy. Boy responds to girl’s beauty and approaches her. Boy talks to girl. Girl replies, albeit shyly. A connection is made. Talk of a possible date is introduced. Girl is not sure if she should say yes.
Often, girls in their teens and early 20s are not always sure how to handle an invitation for a ‘coffee date’.
Do you say ‘yes’ immediately or tell the dude you need time to think about it? Do you engage your parents in your decision-making or will their reaction freak you out into silence?
What about your friends? Do you discuss it with them and then go with the majority vote? Do you talk to your pastor about it (gasp) or a mature relative? What about your teacher/lecturer or counsellor?
Rating
A date can seem like a daunting experience at the beginning but it need not be. Just approach it with a clear head and you will handle it with ease.
Let at least one of your parents know the dude you want to go out on a date with. Their opinion of him will go a long way in helping you figure out whether he is good material for a date.
If you have older siblings, let them in. Point the dude out to them and get their feedback.
During my day, anytime a dude wanted to go out with us, we would send out an ‘investigative squad’ to find out everything there was to know about him — his folks, where he went to school, his academic performance, his social status, but most of all, if he had any scandals with chicks.
Based on his overall rating, his date-ability would be judged.
Ground rules
On the day of the first date — this is crucial no matter how much the dudes hate it — you must go accompanied by a friend. Never go alone, especially if you don’t know the dude well. The backup sends the message that you are not vulnerable. However, warn your ‘posse’ not to eat the most expensive meals on the menu and scare off the dude.
During the date, be yourself. Don’t be fake. If you are not interested in him, let him know gently.
If you see he can become a good friend to keep, don’t become over-excited and over-reveal yourself in the hope that he’ll stick by you. That ain’t a good show.
Set the ground rules right from the beginning. The ideal situation is for you to delay any sexual activity until marriage, and the dude needs to know this in advance so that if his plan is to get a booty call (a girl he can bed any time), he will know right off that you are not that girl.
Indulgence
Whatever you do, on a first date, don’t over-indulge in alcohol. In fact, keep off the booze altogether. Most important, keep an eye on your drink even if it is water. If you have to go to the bathroom for whatever reason, finish your drink first then go and order for another drink when you get back. Don’t allow the dude to order for you while you are away. If you find a fresh drink on your table, change it. Better be safe than sorry.
In the same vein, don’t allow yourself to be swayed to do things you don’t like. For instance, the dude may sweet-talk you into joining his friends at a club or going to his place or drinking alcohol or trying out a drug. Say ‘No’ firmly and press on.
Chicks love gifts, but please don’t accept them on the first date. It makes you look cheap and desperate.
Similarly, don’t unleash your entire life history (the people who have hurt you) and future aspirations (your dream to be married by age 24 and have five children by age 30) on the first date. This will get the dude running for the hills thinking you are one desperate chick. Hold on to your dignity.
Finally, relax and enjoy the outing.?
Last word:?If you don’t love or respect yourself, then you are not ready to date — you will only be a burden or an easy mark for the dude. Learn to love yourself first.
