The Allure of Bad Boys

Emotionally unavailable, arrogant, self centered, full of it, egotistical...these are just some of the words used to describe them yet girls still fall for them, writes Shirley Genga.

Bad boys come in all types. He can be the guy with a long list of girlfriends or the sociopath who is always getting into trouble.

He is the emotionally unavailable and arrogant dude who always puts himself first or the guy in a committed relationship who still has many girls on the side.

The bad boy is the type of guy your mom warned you about and your father can’t stand.

The phenomenon is nothing new. In the early 1990s, the matatu culture and touts with their don’t-care attitude were blamed for leading school girls astray and today, ‘swagger’ — that elusive attraction factor — has been blamed when seemingly good girls fall head over heels for a guy of dubious character.

When R&B singer Nivea and Actress Lauren London simultaneously got pregnant with Lil’ Wayne’s babies, we were left scratching our heads. What’s more he boasted about it in a rap song.

In popular culture (movies, music and literature), bad boys are usually applauded. What we don’t realise is, in the movies, the bad guy is actually a good guy deep within. He stands up for his woman and in the end wins her admiration and they ride off to the sunset. The end. This is rarely how it happens in real life.

Janet, 27, a doctor, fell for a bad boy as a student in medical school.

"He came from a well-to-do family and was very good looking and confident. He changed women like inner wear. He started noticing me in second year.

I was a good girl who was very involved with church and would never associate myself with a guy like him, but he was persistent. My friends tried to warn me about him, but it fell on deaf ears.

For the next four months that our relationship lasted, I thought I was in love because he was very exciting.

Fidelity is optional

I also experienced many lows as he constantly cheated on me or ignored me, depending on his moods. Sometimes, he would ignore me and not call or pick up my phone calls for as long as two weeks.

I would only hear from friends how they had seen him in the clubs with other girls. No matter what he did to me, I could not leave him, something I do not understand to date.

We finally broke up and I was quite heart broken," narrates Janet, who says she can now spot a bad boy from a mile away.

Jackie, a form four student in a local mixed school, says she got into a relationship with a notorious bad boy in her Form Three.

"He was the talk of the school and was involved in so many clubs and activities. He began by dating my best friend, but whenever she was not looking or was not around, he would hit on me. I tried to ignore him, but somewhere down the line, I ‘entered the box’ and we began to have a thing behind my friend’s back.

When I asked him to choose between us, he said he loved both of us and could not choose. Back then, I had such low self esteem that I was willing to share him if that was the only way we could be together.

He would treat me badly. He never called or took me out. When my best friend found out, she was so mad. She broke up with him and cut me off. He simply moved on to a new girl, leaving me without a boyfriend and a best friend," recalls Jackie who has since learnt her lesson.

Why they act like that

According to Jane Olago, a counselling psychologist at Nairobi Women’s Hospital, "a bad boy is a man who seems outwardly attractive, but is unwilling to offer sacrificial love in a relationship.

He is too immature and preoccupied with himself to share genuine compassion, concern or acceptance. He is not interested in love because real love requires consistent sacrifice.

A bad boy will only sacrifice for someone if it is convenient for him or if he gets something in return. He expects the woman to do most of the giving while he ignores her needs or takes advantage of her."

Olago says there are a number of reasons that make women attracted to bad boys.

"A bad Boy exudes untamed masculinity, independence and confidence. To women, these traits, especially confidence, are very attractive.

What then happens is that a woman gets attracted to his confidence and male strength and is blind to anything else. The problem is, in the hands of the bad boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance," she says.

The Game

Malik Wright is pro-footballer whose ego is on a hundred thousand trillion.

So popular is Hoseah Chanchez’s character, Facebook fan pages have been created around his narcissistic quotes examples include:

"See kids? You ain’t got to sell drugs to look like you sell drugs!" and, " I try to date all the winners at least once" in reference to America’s Next Top Model.

George Moka

Changing times KTN

A bad boy who dates whomever he pleases. The role played by Ian Mugoya has propelled him into the limelight with many wondering how close in persona the actor really is with George.

In an interview with EveGal , Ian an economics student at the University of Nairobi clarified that he is nothing like the character he plays, "I am down to earth and treat women with respect".

Damon Salvatore

Vampire Diaries

Most famous for his smouldering vampire stare Damon Salvatore (Ian Somerholder) is the type of bad boy whose love actually bites.

While his brother weans himself off human blood by sipping tiny drops from his girlfriend Damon wastes no time using his powers to manipulate and get what he wants.

In real life Somerhalder is an active philanthropist.