If you have to cheat, do so with a partner who’s something to lose

Many Kenyans will not forget the just ended Devolution Conference 2018 soon for it provided us with drama to talk about in this rainy weather. We will talk about the video link address, the interesting handshakes, the Koffi Olomide drama and much more.

We will however spend more time talking about Peter Ndambiri and Liz Waithera, who somehow became stars of the conference. What transpired between the two only they know best and has become fodder for jokes and memes. It is important though that we ponder lessons from this incident, even as the police piece together what really happened, because we too might be visited upon by the same misfortune.

The first lesson goes out to men like Peter who may find themselves in such situations. Peter has gone to great lengths to tell his side of story, but the jury is still out on whether he has convinced many Kenyans.

What we know is that most middle-aged, slightly famous men, with some hint of wealth like to imagine they have massive sex appeal. They feel extremely flattered by any sort of sexual interest and advances from the pretty young things found in plenty these days. These men are so pleased and excited by this attention that they throw caution to the wind. They conduct no due diligence on the objects of their desire.

I am yet to understand why they are keen to close the deal so fast; and why they do not assign the job of vetting potential bed partners to one of their numerous aides. Fuelled by false bravado and a false sense of their own attractiveness, these men disregard the fact they are facing a new breed of women determined to get to the contents of their wallets.

Sexual corners

This Peter incident has brought to the fore stories about men blackmailed into paying lots of money after being caught in interesting sexual corners. What is common about these tales is that these men were trying to get sex on the cheap - either at the said woman’s abode or in some cheap motel. They forget that cheap and cheatingdo not go hand in hand when you have something to lose.

Additionally, the man must always be in charge of venue selection and payment. If a woman you barely know offers to take you to her place, or some other place be very afraid.

Instead of jumping on the offer, quickly make arrangements to take her to another place where you are in charge. The thing is if you have a reputation to guard, you must always be in charge when it comes to your selected sexual playground – and you must avoid the free and eager offers of sex for they are nothing but poisoned chalices. Any men or women who feel that their natural instincts, or family history might lead them into the valley of Peter-like situations need a fall back plan. This plan would involve having at least some idea of what they would do should the day come when they are caught in a compromising situation.

First, have a good friend on speed dial - one who can come up with necessary funds, negotiate with the blackmailers but more importantly who can keep their mouths firmly shut.

Secondly, have a good spin-doctor who can quickly craft a story that will earn sympathy and forgiveness from your spouse and supporters. Thirdly, have a clean-up kitty - some money to pay off whoever needs to be paid off for certain images and videos to disappear forever.

I must also share some thoughts about Liz, the support actress. It is rather unfortunate that she (not the other goons she has been working with) will become the face of this hideous sex-blackmailing ring. She is the one who puts her name, body and shame on the line. If she really must make her money through this route, she should drop the gang of thugs and be a solo entrepreneur.

Since she bears the highest risk - she should go for the highest return. I mean, if the whole world will be deriving perverse pleasure from watching her body, she should make some mad cash only for herself.

She should stop being a pawn in this high risk, low return extortion racket.

Let her go for high stakes – dropping videos that rival Kim Kardashians. Last word of caution, if you must cheat, do so with someone who also has something significant to lose.

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