Stop fighting it! Give that girl the big fat wedding she craves

One of my good friends is presently stressed - so much so that his health is in danger. The reason for this stress - his come-we-stay wife of a decade is threatening to leave if she does not get a big white wedding by August this year.

Given the current state of the economy, and his paycheck which is servicing a number of Sacco loans, my friend is feeling that he does not need the additional financial burden of a wedding.

He does not understand that fuss for after all, he has been kind to his wife, he has helped her sire three beautiful children and she has the house and a picket fence. He cannot understand why the fuss for a wedding.

Well, like my friend, many Kenyan men kick up a storm when it comes to weddings. If they had their way, they would have the Constitution ban all weddings - but well I can tell you that is not going to happen any time for soon and here is why.

Women obsession with weddings I agree is often ludicrous and irrational but so is men’s obsession with football and Formula One. There is something a bit insane about investing all that money in one day where all the bride does is get dolled up, wear a white dress and preen for friends and family.

Overpriced outfits

While this may not make sense, a wedding is the ultimate hurrah for a woman, the bold and brazen display to all and sundry that she has finally managed to bag the man and lead him down the altar; nothing silences the haters like a big white wedding.
The bride’s mother also passionately and sometimes obsessively shares this need for a wedding. If mothers of daughters were to speak truthfully, they would tell you their main dream for their daughters are for them to not only get married, but also be walked down the aisle.

Most mothers fast and pray for the opportunity to walk their girls down the aisle wearing the overpriced outfit, the massive feathered hat and that pleased with yourself smile.

A wedding gives the mother of the bride super bragging status and confers upon her serious society bonga points especially if the groom to be comes form the ‘right’ family and if the wedding itself is a grand affair. That is why you will notice that mothers of brides make a lot of fuss – sometimes even more than the bride. It is hard to put a fight against two equally willed and determined women. So those reluctant grooms should just quit fighting it and surrender to the force of women wanting the wedding.

For some strange reason, only known to women, church weddings seem to give women some level of comfort and security that their marriage will last forever. Weddings in the Attorney General’s chambers I hear do not quite give the same feeling of permanence that church weddings do. Women believe that once you have hauled a man to church and made him dress up, swear upon the weddingvows before God and man he will think twice before running off to the hills with someone else. Of course, reality has proven this is not always the case but women like to hang on to this belief and that is why you will find women using all manner of tricks and traps to get the big church wedding.

Smug satisfaction

One also has to thank social media for giving weddings today more swag. In the past weddings were a rather boring affair when all one needed to do is have a huge entourage full of all your relatives and then rush off to the nearest church. Nowadays things are more exotic, the wedding parties are usually so well coordinated both in outfits and movement, the locations are exotic and photography is to die for and it all comes together in the wedding party.

Nothing gives bride smug satisfaction over her friends, foes, family like being able to bag the right man, have the greatest wedding and then have it splashed all over social media. So, men should quit fighting this one and just head to the altar. In the same way we will never understand what is so great about getting emotional about a bunch of men chasing a ball, or men driving toy cars repeatedly, is the same way they will never understand why we need that wedding.